Let me start of by saying that church yesterday was AMAZING. Church was amazing yesterday before praise and worship even started. Church was amazing before we even got to church! I guess it would be more accurate to say that GOD was amazing yesterday.
My morning started off by breaking my heart and showing me a skeleton in my closet. This is probably the ugliest skeleton that haunts me and beats me up. This is the skeleton that tells me that no one will ever really love me, that I've never been good enough, that I've never been talented enough... This skeleton is truly ugly, and I've had it for years.
I can't remember the first time I thought I didn't measure up. I've just always looked at everyone else as being talented, and well, I'm just not. When I first started dating my husband, at 16 years old, he told me that if he had the opportunity to date this other girl, that we would break up. Well, as I think back, I'm pretty sure he had the opportunity, but he never broke up with me. Yet, as we exchanged vows, those words were somewhere in my mind, and every so often I would be reminded that he would leave for someone else. We were married for 5 years, and I never once thought he was in it for the long haul. Something, or someone, better would come along.
Sunday morning, I was reminded of the most prominent woman that I thought would replace me in my husband's life. The reminder came with a fairly simple, "Do you still hate .... ? Or is it different now that we are not married?" I was shocked that my snoozer was asking me this. I just told him I don't hate her. Then a while later I said it again. I never had hated her, and as we talked, and as I thought, I started crying. I let him know, I never hated her, I always hated knowing that no one would ever love me as much as he loves her.
I'm going to cry again now. We were driving to church during this conversation, and God was working on my heart before we even arrived. It's true that I fall short - I fall short of the Glory of God, I am a sinner. But I am loved. He sent His Son for me. As I was reminded of the truth, I prayed, and am I still praying and believing, that God would help me recognize His love. I also asked that God would help me develop and grow my talents, and that I would recognize them as being from Him, no matter how they compare to the rest of the world.
I have ventured into a few different small business ideas of my own, and I've shared a few with friends/business partners. Somehow, when I find someone else in the same business, I assume my product, or my business, doesn't compare. This comparison is generally followed by me giving up.
One of my latest adventures has included a long desired DSLR camera. I've been thoroughly enjoying it, yet when I see someone else's work, I find myself wanting to tuck my camera away and not admit that I've been taking pictures. I don't want anyone to know that I take bad pictures, or pictures that aren't that great. I don't want anyone to think I shouldn't have that great of a camera with the lack of talent I possess.
I've also been writing. I've been writing my blog, and I'm working on a book. I actually have several book ideas, I'm just trying to stay focused and write one at a time. Yet, I get fearful that I'm not as good as another writer. Yet, God keeps reminding me to "Just Keep Writing." I think He keeps telling me to take pictures too, although that is a little less clear than the writing. I know I love both, and I get very excited about both.
My big question for myself is: What am I saying to God when I compare and downplay my talents? Am I telling Him that He didn't make me "right"? Am I telling Him that He didn't know what He was doing when He made me?
Rest assured, God knew what He was doing when He made me...and when He made you. Yes, we are sinners, and we fall short of His glory. Yet, in His perfect love He made a way for us by sending Jesus. So, today, join me in recognizing that we are loved by God, created for God, and He gave us each talents to use for His glory and honor, and I believe we are supposed to enjoy our talents. They are not our own, but we do get some enjoyment from them.
What are your talents and how do you use them to glorify God?
(P.S. I'll post later about the sermon at church...because this really didn't have anything to do with the sermon at church! LOL)
Monday, February 28, 2011
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Silly things work!
We've had a blast today, my two boys and I! We had oatmeal and chicken nuggets for breakfast - it's what they picked...don't ask me! Then I worked out for 30 minutes. Then we jumped in on some school work.
My mom gave the boys each a handwriting book at Christmas - stick figure handwriting (or something like that...) Honestly, I thought it was the silliest way to approach handwriting. I didn't figure it would work that great. So, I kind of decided to just use it like a regular handwriting book and that is where I made my first mistake. As a regular handwriting book, it was just as boring as the rest of the regular handwriting books. When I finally broke down and told my youngest, "Draw the stick girl tall and straight, put on her hat, put on her belt, put on her shoes..." he wrote an E! And I cheered. And I realized that some of the silliest things, well, they are what work! He works on E and C - and he was excited about it, and his letters were taking shape quite nicely.
I tend to think that my Little Green Thumb thought it was silly like I did, cause he took one look at Isaiah doing it "that" way, looked at me and said, "That is NOT how I do it..." LGT and I are two peas in a pod, and Lil' Bro is going to teach us a whole lot about this world and how to see it in a different light!
My favorite thing about homeschooling #242: I'm learning just as much from my kids as they are from me!
My mom gave the boys each a handwriting book at Christmas - stick figure handwriting (or something like that...) Honestly, I thought it was the silliest way to approach handwriting. I didn't figure it would work that great. So, I kind of decided to just use it like a regular handwriting book and that is where I made my first mistake. As a regular handwriting book, it was just as boring as the rest of the regular handwriting books. When I finally broke down and told my youngest, "Draw the stick girl tall and straight, put on her hat, put on her belt, put on her shoes..." he wrote an E! And I cheered. And I realized that some of the silliest things, well, they are what work! He works on E and C - and he was excited about it, and his letters were taking shape quite nicely.
I tend to think that my Little Green Thumb thought it was silly like I did, cause he took one look at Isaiah doing it "that" way, looked at me and said, "That is NOT how I do it..." LGT and I are two peas in a pod, and Lil' Bro is going to teach us a whole lot about this world and how to see it in a different light!
My favorite thing about homeschooling #242: I'm learning just as much from my kids as they are from me!
Monday, February 21, 2011
The American Dining Experience
Almost one week ago I got to enjoy a meal out of the house, in a restaurant, without the kids. I also noticed that the American Dining Experience (ADE from here on out) is a bit disgusting. Follow me on this journey:
First, you arrive and if you've picked the right day and time, you don't have to wait, but fast forward to sitting at the table. You start of with a beverage - often times one loaded with calories. The other thing that happens at this time is that you identify who will be serving you during this time. This person is now expected to be at your beckon call for the next 1.5hours or so. You order an appetizer.
We are now in part 2: High calorie beverage + Appetizer. 20 minutes into the ADE and you have had something in front of you, for your dining pleasure. You are happily consuming the chosen fare, and you've ordered your entree. You are still being served by the same person you were introduced to, and you expect your beverage to remain full, clean napkins to be present, and everything to arrive to the table at the right temperature, and in a timely fashion.
Part 3: As you take the last bites of your appetizer, your soup or salad arrives. If the salad came with the dressing on it already, rest assured they used too much. If you put it on yourself, good for you! Soup - cream based? Yep, that cup of soup could count as a meal by itself. Let's not hope the server has done anything to disappoint. We are 30 minutes in, and in about 5 minutes we expect our entrees to arrive....
Part 4: The entree arrives, and if it is as it should be (in regards to timing) then you should just be pushing your soup or salad away from you. Here is an over sized plate, overstuffed with food, and every adult at the table has one of their own. To heck with sharing this much food...I want it all to myself, every rich bite. Every rich bite that I am going to dip in butter, or some other sauce, it should be all mine. Now granted, we might swap a few bites to sample entrees of our friend and/or partner, but we are talking a meager bite or two - I ordered what I wanted, stay off it! If the server has done a good job so far, then we are all happy, right?
Part 5: Dessert....chances are we've decided what dessert we want before we even ordered our entree. So half way through the entree, we order the dessert - so it comes out just as we push the entree plate out of our way. And this is the part we consider indulging, by saying something like: "Oh, I just shouldn't get dessert, but I think I will indulge today..." REALLY?!? I mean, I just consumed 1800 calories in the last 50 minutes, but I'm going to reference dessert as the indulgence? GET A GRIP!
Not to mention, if the server has messed up, I now get to be judge and jury, slamming my gavel down in judgement by the amount of money I leave behind. "Keep the change." That one phrase can be so pleasant and such a blessing, and it can be so condescending, telling someone you think you're better than them.
Sorry for the rant, but it became apparent to me at my last big ADE, that it's no wonder I struggle with my weight and self-image. I'm shoveling it in faster than I'm walking it off, and I only ever think of dessert as indulging - to heck with all the other calories that I consume. I also realized how judgemental I can be of a server - and I've even been there, done that. Being a server is hard work, and it can be so hurtful when someone passes judgement. I'm not condoning bad work ethic, just asking that we all remember that the person serving us during the ADE is a real person, and we have no idea what they might be struggling with.
First, you arrive and if you've picked the right day and time, you don't have to wait, but fast forward to sitting at the table. You start of with a beverage - often times one loaded with calories. The other thing that happens at this time is that you identify who will be serving you during this time. This person is now expected to be at your beckon call for the next 1.5hours or so. You order an appetizer.
We are now in part 2: High calorie beverage + Appetizer. 20 minutes into the ADE and you have had something in front of you, for your dining pleasure. You are happily consuming the chosen fare, and you've ordered your entree. You are still being served by the same person you were introduced to, and you expect your beverage to remain full, clean napkins to be present, and everything to arrive to the table at the right temperature, and in a timely fashion.
Part 3: As you take the last bites of your appetizer, your soup or salad arrives. If the salad came with the dressing on it already, rest assured they used too much. If you put it on yourself, good for you! Soup - cream based? Yep, that cup of soup could count as a meal by itself. Let's not hope the server has done anything to disappoint. We are 30 minutes in, and in about 5 minutes we expect our entrees to arrive....
Part 4: The entree arrives, and if it is as it should be (in regards to timing) then you should just be pushing your soup or salad away from you. Here is an over sized plate, overstuffed with food, and every adult at the table has one of their own. To heck with sharing this much food...I want it all to myself, every rich bite. Every rich bite that I am going to dip in butter, or some other sauce, it should be all mine. Now granted, we might swap a few bites to sample entrees of our friend and/or partner, but we are talking a meager bite or two - I ordered what I wanted, stay off it! If the server has done a good job so far, then we are all happy, right?
Part 5: Dessert....chances are we've decided what dessert we want before we even ordered our entree. So half way through the entree, we order the dessert - so it comes out just as we push the entree plate out of our way. And this is the part we consider indulging, by saying something like: "Oh, I just shouldn't get dessert, but I think I will indulge today..." REALLY?!? I mean, I just consumed 1800 calories in the last 50 minutes, but I'm going to reference dessert as the indulgence? GET A GRIP!
Not to mention, if the server has messed up, I now get to be judge and jury, slamming my gavel down in judgement by the amount of money I leave behind. "Keep the change." That one phrase can be so pleasant and such a blessing, and it can be so condescending, telling someone you think you're better than them.
Sorry for the rant, but it became apparent to me at my last big ADE, that it's no wonder I struggle with my weight and self-image. I'm shoveling it in faster than I'm walking it off, and I only ever think of dessert as indulging - to heck with all the other calories that I consume. I also realized how judgemental I can be of a server - and I've even been there, done that. Being a server is hard work, and it can be so hurtful when someone passes judgement. I'm not condoning bad work ethic, just asking that we all remember that the person serving us during the ADE is a real person, and we have no idea what they might be struggling with.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
While doing the laundry...
During one of today's mundane tasks - folding laundry, I found the helmet pictured above. I have to admit, I was slightly concerned. This is a very tiny helmet, for a very tiny head, and I was worried that the tiny head of our Lego-man friend was going to be a bit banged up. A ride through the washer and dryer would be quite traumatic - especially if you're only 1.5 inches tall.
We got lucky this time - it turns out that only his head gear got caught up in the pile of laundry! Lego-man goes on so many adventures, he's probably quite glad to have his helmet clean and smelling fresh. All those adventures must certainly make for a smelly, sweaty Lego-man, right?
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Tithing works!
I posted previously about tithing, and I want to post again to tell you, GOD IS FAITHFUL!
I've been home from the hospital for just over a month, and everything is just about straightened out. All of our normal bills are caught back up, and we are just about lined up in good order with all of the doctors and other medical bills! PRAISE GOD!
God gets the glory and honor for this - because it is His doing that things have gone so smoothly. I look back and wonder why I had so many doubts, but I had them. They even were fear sometimes. I am thankful for what God has done in my life, and I look forward to what else He is doing.
God made sure everything worked out - and He definitely did it in His timing. He was busy teaching me trust, and patience, while He was orchestrating things I couldn't see. I am still very burdened to work hard toward becoming debt free, and that is definitely one of my goals for this year. I think I will write out the whole plan this week and we will begin the uphill climb out from under the heavy weight of debt! I am very excited and ready for this!
I've been home from the hospital for just over a month, and everything is just about straightened out. All of our normal bills are caught back up, and we are just about lined up in good order with all of the doctors and other medical bills! PRAISE GOD!
God gets the glory and honor for this - because it is His doing that things have gone so smoothly. I look back and wonder why I had so many doubts, but I had them. They even were fear sometimes. I am thankful for what God has done in my life, and I look forward to what else He is doing.
God made sure everything worked out - and He definitely did it in His timing. He was busy teaching me trust, and patience, while He was orchestrating things I couldn't see. I am still very burdened to work hard toward becoming debt free, and that is definitely one of my goals for this year. I think I will write out the whole plan this week and we will begin the uphill climb out from under the heavy weight of debt! I am very excited and ready for this!
Monday, February 14, 2011
Through My Lens
I got a DSLR camera on at a sale on the Friday after Thanksgiving, and I've been loving it! Saturday I got to take family/maternity pictures for a wonderful couple and their adorable kids. I had such a great time, and got some great shots. I've been reading a few books from the library, about photography, and I'm really excited to continue expanding my skills. I hope to further explore my talent as well as possibly building a business of my own. Well, that's all for tonight, we are about to watch the last episode of "Lie to Me" season 1!!
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Little Green Thumb
So, I've been trying to think of nick names for my kids to use on the blog. I think my oldest is going to be Little Green Thumb for the time being. He loves anything he can grow and nurture and has been BEGGING to grow plants. I finally bought him a little set up for plant growing, and we will begin learning about (very, very basic) botany tomorrow! He is as excited as I am!
I love how my kids are developing their own interests, and I love giving them the opportunity to explore this world that God has made for us. My boys are so curious about everything, and sharing in their young, untainted curiosity is one of my many joys I find in homeschooling.
My youngest is obsessed with all things letters, so I think we will continue studying the solar system and letters, letter combinations, and beginning sounds. I always said that kids are sponges, I know they want information, I know they are smart, yet somehow, these two always end up surprising me!
As I am writing this, they are snuggled up in my bed next to me, playing and talking and just spending time with me. Little Green Thumb just thanked me for letting him turn of my light, and it is so cute the way he wants to help.
Well, I'm going to get some rest, we have a lot to study tomorrow, and I need to get my Mommy-brain ready!
I love how my kids are developing their own interests, and I love giving them the opportunity to explore this world that God has made for us. My boys are so curious about everything, and sharing in their young, untainted curiosity is one of my many joys I find in homeschooling.
My youngest is obsessed with all things letters, so I think we will continue studying the solar system and letters, letter combinations, and beginning sounds. I always said that kids are sponges, I know they want information, I know they are smart, yet somehow, these two always end up surprising me!
As I am writing this, they are snuggled up in my bed next to me, playing and talking and just spending time with me. Little Green Thumb just thanked me for letting him turn of my light, and it is so cute the way he wants to help.
Well, I'm going to get some rest, we have a lot to study tomorrow, and I need to get my Mommy-brain ready!
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