What is the soil?!?

Good Evening! I am having a very bad weekend. It started getting rough when I attempted to patch up my marriage and was told to just go finalize the divorce on Wednesday. Then, I spiraled down from there, making some bad choices. Certainly making less than Christ-like decisions. So, I let a wound that Christ could have healed dictate my actions. I made the wrong choices. I wasn't shining my light. And I'm beating myself up more than ever. I am feeling like I've failed, over and over again. It's like I've been catapulted into a whirl of perpetual failure. I failed as a wife, I failed as a Christian, what's next? And how, after spending time reading and trying to keep up with the 90 day plan to read the New Testament, do I just forget about the comfort of Christ?! I know better, yet I was still enticed into worldly things to "ease" my heartache. Guess what? Those things made it worse. Then, I was at church tonight, and I listened to Pastor Clark describe validation. I have been so needy for validation in my life. I feel like a complete failure. I am not sure how to deal with all the big red "FAIL" stamps on the pages that are my story. I wanted my life to look so much different than it's looking. I certainly never thought I'd be a single mom. As I have been thinking about this, I started thinking about the verses in Matthew that talk about the soil. I must be weed-y, or shallow soil. I have these profound, life changing thoughts and realizations when I'm reading the Word and at church. And it takes hold for a short time, yet it doesn't stick. It fades. I fall back into my own routine. All of that thinking, caused me to start thinking about a garden. You can build a garden, just about anywhere. You have to have the right tools, and it takes work. Sometimes a lot of work. So, if the Word is the seed that grows...WHAT IS THE SOIL?! I want to build my garden, I want to stake out a plot of ground, I want to put the timbers around it, I want to buy the really nice weed cloth, lay it own, and pour the richest soil on it you can imagine. I then want to put seeds in it, I want to make sure to keep up with fertilizing, watering, and when a weed pops up, I want to get rid of it quickly. Roots and all. But what is the soil?? How do I change the soil of my heart so that when I hear the Word, I apply it, and when I apply it, I continue to apply it, and it changes my life. I want the seed to have a great place to grow. I can imagine the tools for weeding are prayer, and maybe fasting. I imagine the watering can is probably prayer, as well. I'm sure that tithing is a tool, possibly fertilizer? And church, volunteering, worship @ church, small group, are all integral tools. But for all the tools, I cannot figure out what the soil is.....