I woke up this morning, and thought, "It's been almost 24hrs, where's the relief?" My heart is still heavy, and the weight on my shoulders is wearing me out. I truly believe it was inevitable, getting the divorce, that is. He's moved happily along, and found someone to love and be loved by, and it seems as though I stood no chance. Well, it's been 24hrs since court, and I'm thinking that's a place I never want to be again. It was awful. There's is a bit of closure in the sense that now it's really done, and I can move forward from here.
I'm trying to remember to look to God and look forward, not behind.
We talked about parenting by influence as our kids get older, instead of by size and position. I've been thinking about this so much. I want to be more intentional about my relationship with the boys, I need to find something to do with them in the evenings, every evening possible, to just spend time engaging. I think tonight I'm going to color with them and try to engage in a conversation about what we all did today. I'm going to talk to them more about my days at work, in hopes of hearing more about their days at school.
I miss them so much, it makes me sick. I feel like I don't get enough time with them. Hopefully I can turn the time I have into something quality since I don't have quantity....
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