Spelling words & creating structure

Asher's favorite thing about school is spelling words and spelling tests. He loves getting new words to practice, and he loves when I write 100% in red next to a sticker or a smile-y face. It makes his day. He spends all week practicing those words so he can get them right. It is really cute - and mirrors my own love of words and spelling, writing and reading.

Isaiah, on the other hand, is very hands on. He needs projects and games to help him learn. Let me tell you - this is so not my style it is a challenge, and at times, a frustration. I'm a book smart kinda girl. Give me a book and I will master the subject matter. I have had the opportunity in my life to hear a few lectures, and that is great with me too. I don't really require hands on, although a few times I have gained a deeper understanding by putting into action something I have learned, it's not necessary for me on a regular basis.

Suddenly, I'm faced with the realization that homeschooling will not be what I thought it would. See, the way I remember it, Mom provided a solid curriculum, helped with regular tests, and a lot of the study time was on my own. Mom didn't stand there lecturing, I read, studied, and tested. She administered the tests, but most of the study was self guided (with requirements on number of pages/lessons/chapters completed per day/week). Of course, I was in the third grade when we started, and I'm pretty sure I was reading very fluently then, so it's a little easier to "self-guide" when you can read an entire text book. I doubt, however that even when Isaiah is reading he will be the self-guided student that I remember being.

I've also realized that projects are fun. I want to take the kids places to encourage their understanding of history and geography, I want to watch them build things, and apply science to fun, at home projects. I want to foster in them a love and a passion for learning. I want them to understand that God gave us this beautiful world to explore, and I want them to understand that all things point to Him for His glory.

I want them to discover what they are passionate about, and I want to give them the strength to pursue it. I want to watch them blossom, and I pray that God would give me the wisdom, strength, patience and perseverance to do just that.

So, today I am reviewing plans for the week, building a better structure, preparing to do more guiding, and trying to find ways to draw my children both into the process of learning. They are only 16 months apart in age, and some days that doesn't seem like much, and other days it feels like they are worlds apart.

I thank God for the opportunity to educate my children at home. I pray that He gives me exactly what I need to share with them, and that He opens their hearts and minds wide to learn about the beautiful world He created for us!

Defining Failure

As I'm mid way through another long week, I'm beginning to wonder how to define failure. Should it be defined by the things my kids are not exceling at? Work performance? Home life? A failed marriage? I'm thinking that as it stands, I don't measure up right now. I'm looking around and my kids are struggling, we get so little time at home that the couple hours in the evening just whiz by like they aren't really there, and most of you know by now that I am divorced. Work performance is going alright, I've taken on several roles and I'm maintaining for the time being. I suppose I'm paying my bills and buying groceries. Which is no small feat in this economy, but it just doesn't seem like success compared to all of the things going wrong. I'm trying my best, but that doesn't seem like enough. I keep praying for God's help, but I'm not any good at waiting, I need things to be resolved yesterday, and it's just not happening that way. I know God's timing is perfect and all, but it seems like my little boat is about to capsize in this storm....I suppose God's just stretching me. I suppose the good days where it looked like things were leveling out were just a chance to recooperate before another trying time. I'm no closer to figuring out how to define failure or success, and I don't have any more answers about how things will work out. I do know that God is looking out for us, and I think I'm a little more prepared to wait on the Lord after writing this.

As today fades....

Sweetly Broken Video

Jay

MySpace Video
 
So I'm headed for the big D and don't mean Dallas. Cheesy, I know. I heard that song a few weeks back and it made my stomach hurt. I suppose I'm coping with it alright. I keep hearing Stacy point out that I filed for the thing. Course, I'm equally quick to point out that he walked out, and moved in with his now girlfriend. He was "sleeping on her couch" before I filed for divorce. I suppose that's the way it goes right? It's a horrible case of blame-shifting. Careful, I'll tell on you at group if you don't stop blame shifting...that used to be such a funny joke. Now, I just shake my head and sigh. I'm a bit wound up tonight, court is in the morning. I'm sitting here writing this, and I'm so tense and stressed that I think I could stay up all night. I want to start cleaning and crocheting and continue writing. I think I'm going to go to http://www.pandora.com/ and turn on my "David Crowder Station" and try to mellow out a little.
 
Okay, music on. The video I embedded was pointed out by a friend and fellow blogger. Excellent song and video. I'm trying to remember tonight that Christ takes me as I am. I'm thankful for the forgiveness extended to me, and I'm praying for God to reveal what exactly forgiveness looks like toward Stacy, from me, right now. Stacy told me Friday to just go, and not delay it. I was asking him to kick out his girlfriend and work on things with me, and he didn't want to kick her out. So, I was left wondering what's so wrong with me. I finally quit letting the question eat at me as of today. I'm a sinner, saved by grace, and that grace is enough. God is in control, and Jesus is enough. Period. That will be my simple truth, everytime I feel weak.
 
On a completely off track side note, Asher was so funny tonight! He was talking to Isaiah and he said "I love you Isa...I mean SUPERMAN!" and he grinned, a big, goofy, Asher grin, and said to Isaiah, "You are awesome." I swear, you can't buy entertainment, or LOVE like that. The boys rubbed each others back tonight in the bath, and both said "I hope you feel better." Aww! I love the moments when they reach out to each other and are simply thoughtful and loving.
 
Asher did significantly better listening to me today! We've been reading a devotional at bedtime, and praying. Plus, I have really been working on not just yelling and flying off the handle. I just remind myself to take a deep breath and be intentional, and when I calm down, the boys respond better.
 
I found Chase a great home. Or rather, a great home for Chase found me. She has a pink collar, a new bed, is inside, and has two kids to play with! I think she's found a beautiful family to be a part of and while I will miss her, I know that it was best. I'm also feeling a bit more compassionate toward Oliver. Hopefully we can get a schedule worked out and he will get used to going potty while on the leash.
 
Well, I'm going to take him out for a while, then I'm going to sleep as best I can - tomorrow is going to be a long day. Goodnight friends!