Temptation: The Hidden Opportunity

I have to be honest and say this post was inspired by our small group study. It is relevant, and I’ve been stuck thinking about it.

Too often, I think we look at temptation as the sin itself. I wonder why we do this. Maybe it happens because we feel weak and powerless to stop it? We can’t control when it happens to us? It is catered to us so perfectly, we don’t feel strong enough to resist?

Yet, temptation is not the same thing as sin.

By Definition:

Temptation:

–noun

1. the act of tempting; enticement or allurement.

2. something that tempts, entices, or allures.

3. the fact or state of being tempted, especially to evil.

Tempt:

–verb (used with object)

1. to entice or allure to do something often regarded as unwise, wrong, or immoral.

2. to attract, appeal strongly to, or invite: The offer tempts me.

3. to render strongly disposed to do something: The book tempted me to read more on the subject.

4. to put (someone) to the test in a venturesome way; provoke: to tempt one's fate.

5. Obsolete. to try or test.

Sin:

 

–noun

1. transgression of divine law: the sin of Adam.

2. any act regarded as such a transgression, especially a willful or deliberate violation of some religious or moral principle.

 

So, by my understanding, temptation is the desire to do something, the appeal to do something, and we should avoid it when the desire does not line up with the Word of God.

Sin is the action of wrong-doing.

Therefore, temptation is an opportunity that should have two arrows on either side of it. Showing the opposite directions of the given opportunity.

Take the opportunity! But do so with caution, the opportunity you want to be taking is to deny Satan, walk away from temptation, and therefore to begin to look more like Christ.

This is, by no means, a challenge to readily expose ourselves to temptation. We can’t hide from it, though. So, why not be ready? Why not etch the truth on our hearts, follow Jesus’ perfect example, and face the opportunity without fear? Temptation is not a curse. It is an opportunity to grow. It is an opportunity to choose to obey our Heavenly Father, the God who loves us, created us, and watches over us.

What is your approach to temptation? Do you recognize temptation when it appears, or does the recognition come after it has passed?

Balance: Necessity or Distraction?

Balance: to have an equality or equivalence in weight, parts, etc.; be in equilibrium

Also defined: : to arrange so that one set of elements exactly equals another

We all strive for balance don't we? I know many times I've said "I just need more balance in my life." It all becomes a balancing act. How much time can I devote to homeschooling, while still keeping up with my house? How much time can I spend online while still keeping up with my work? How much money can I spend without digging us deeper into the pit of debt? How much time can I let my children spend watching TV, so I can accomplish something around the house, while still fostering in them the desire to play and use their own imaginations? How much time can I devote to volunteering while still caring for my family? How many nights can we have a pre-arranged obligation (sports, dance, small groups, etc.) and how many nights should we be home? Where do I fit in time to read my Bible? Pray? Exercise? Shower? Change every one's sheets? Switch the laundry?

Then there is the challenge to eat balanced meals! And no one agrees on what that is. Meat, no meat, one vegetable or two, whole grain or not, 3 ounces or 4?

The strain that living a balanced life places on us is at times like a weight that can't be countered. Balance is about perfection, and last time I checked, I still wasn't able to achieve perfection on my own.

Then I had a thought. This was another one of those, as I close my eyes, trying to sleep for the night, my mind won't stop, thoughts. I sat up, and really had to consider it....

Did Jesus live a life that culturally would have been considered balanced?

I have to guess, from what we know of His life, that no, He did not. We know from scripture (Matt. 4:1-11) that Jesus went into the wilderness and fasted forty days and forty nights. I believe that Jesus was not eating or drinking. He didn't just give up sweets, or fried foods, or Facebook. He was not eating or drinking - for forty days and forty nights. Enter: Balance...where? I can't see it. He was tempted by the devil to turn rocks into food, He was tempted to prove Himself as the Son of God, He was tempted to worship Satan in trade for the glory of the kingdoms of the world. Starving, in a way that I can only imagine, He faithfully resisted the devil and He sent Satan away from Him. What about that speaks of balance? No balanced meals, no balancing work with the call of God on His life. He was called into the wilderness for a time of what I imagine to be profound growth and preparation for what was to come. He was focused, but I don't see balance in this picture.

How about Matt. 4:18-20? Jesus called two brothers, Simon called Peter and Andrew, who were fishermen, to leave their life's work, their careers, to follow Him. Enter: Balance...again I ask, where? He didn't ask them to work 40 hours a week instead of 50...He didn't ask them to devote an hour on Wednesday night to Him. He didn't ask for lip service, He asked for life service. He didn't want to be balanced in the midst of a prosperous career, a healthy family life, the right shows on TV, the right night to go to church. He wanted to be the center of it all and He wanted them to live with their focus on following Him.

How about Matt. 14:15-21 when the 5000 men, not including women and children, had followed Him to the desert, listening intently to His words? He didn't stop them all and send them to pack a picnic, He didn't stop feeding their spirits so that they could go feed their bodies. Enter: Balance....you got it, where? He didn't stop meeting their deep inner needs to worry about their bodies. Granted, He was Jesus and He performed a miracle, but He was more concerned about their hearts than their stomachs.

Or how about the Savior of the world, hanging on a cross, condemned, taking all of the sin of the world, paying the price for every sin we've ever committed, yet having lived an innocent life? He had not sinned before God, not once. Yet, He died for all, and more personally, He died for me. He had a calling on His life, one that required Him to live an out-of-balance life, yet He lived it perfectly. He knew that His power came from the Father, and He was at all times giving His Father the glory that is rightly His.

So today, as we are pressured to find the right balance, let me challenge you to tap into the source of power Himself, pray earnestly. Let God fill you to overflowing, and let Him draw you out of your balancing act. Let Him guide your steps, and follow His calling on your life. Don't let the cultural drive to make life a balancing act become a distraction from what God has for you. See, the devil is a master at changing our focus, because he knows that when we connect with God and live into our God-given, God-glorifying potential, that he will be squashed. The devil holds no more power over us than we allow him, yet he is a master of disguise. It's not often that the devil will tempt us with something so boldly labeled as sin, with a neon light flashing "Disobey God!" - because most of us would run away, or cast him out with the name of Jesus. The devil is powerless against the name of Jesus.

The devil is a master of distraction. He knows if he can slow you down, if he can shift your focus, if he can captivate your attention, then you will not live into the power that God is ready and waiting to give you. He knows that if you are distracted then you will not be as effective in the body of Christ, the church, your family, or ministry. If he can distract you, then he can prevent the salvation of another. He knows that once you're saved he can't erase the grace that God has covered you with, but he does know that once you're saved, if you live your life ineffectively, if you live your life distracted, he can prevent you from bringing another person to the grace of God, to the gift of salvation.

So, is balance a necessity or a distraction? What other distractions have you struggled with? What distractions have you overcome?

Influence, Impact, Effect

We all have it, whether we are aware of it or not. We all influence people around us. We have a direct impact on their lives, We have a profound and deep effect them. Let me challenge you to become intentionally aware of the influence you have, and do not doubt how far reaching that may be.

I've had several reasons to begin thinking about this. The first started with my recent stay in the hospital. People were impacted by me being ill than I had ever considered. The number of people concerned about me, praying for me, hoping for my recovery, astounded me. I have come to realize I am a social person, and I love to talk to people, but I didn't realize how many people truly took notice of, and cared about me.

A heartfelt thank you goes out to all of you. I thank God for you, for your prayers, your love, your notice, attention, and support. You are a blessing to me!

The next big reason I've been thinking about my "circle" of influence is because we are considering moving. I've made a comfortable life here, I love the culture here, and I have many reservations about leaving. I have people that come to my mind immediately that I would miss deeply. I also then have people that I don't encounter frequently, but when I do, I am always blessed. One such lady, a woman who works at the local library, is so dear. She has always been so kind, and helpful. I always look forward to seeing her when I'm at the library. I love to visit with her. Every day I'm presented with a new consideration for people that I will miss, and I truly believe the scope of it won't fully hit me until I've been gone for a few weeks.

This also got me thinking about how God wants to use me to minister to others. I wonder, how many times has someone been watching me, without me even realizing it, and did I shine for the glory of God? Did God receive praise because of me, or did I further some one's doubts or insecurities. Oh Lord, please put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth! I don't want to plant doubt, or grow insecurity. I want to shine Your light so bright that You would receive all the glory, honor, and praise forevermore. I want to reflect the love of Christ in my words and actions.

I challenge you, as we are all working on growing and making changes for the New Year, examine your heart. Recognize that your influence reaches beyond yourself and what you realize, and please turn on your light, shine for Christ, you never know who is watching!

Tithing

Please hear my heart as you read this post and know that this is a work God has done in my heart and my life. This is all for His glory, to His glory, because of His glory...I am just a clay pot, there are runs in my paint, I droop at the sides, but I am on the Potter's wheel, and when I let Him do the molding, and let Him add and take away water, I turn into something beautiful in the Creator's hands....too often though, I seem to be a clay pot with the notion that I can form myself...

Stacy and I started dating in 2002, in November. By February of 2003 we had moved to Oklahoma, and were attending Journey Church. We joined a premarital small group, lead by Brad Baker, and were attending church regularly. I'm not sure I even know why we ended up talking about tithing, heck I don't even remember the conversation. I do remember we decided to be intentional about tithing the first 10% of our income, all sources, and it became a priority.
As two kids, out on our own, living together unmarried, I think back and think we probably didn't have much to give. I was waiting tables, Stacy laid tile a couple times a month. We certainly weren't walking perfect Christian lives (I did say we lived together, unmarried, didn't I?), but we had decided to honor God with our money. I saw God do a miracle then, that got our insurance paid, and literally involved money appearing in thin air. I was there, it happened, I swear. I checked the INSURANCE envelope three times. THREE times. We didn't have enough for the insurance....then Stacy said I should check again, and as pissed as I was, I did. We were $18 short...and there was a $20 in there...in my book that was $2 for a 10% tithe...and the $18...and I knew God put that money there. I kept my envelopes very secure, and only Stacy & I knew we didn't have that money.

I cried. A lot. God paid my insurance, and I really wasn't sure He even noticed us. I was sure then....for a minute.

We moved back to Colorado in February of 2004, and as such weren't plugged into a church home. We began mailing our tithe to K-love Radio, since that was about the most Christian thing in our life. We got married in June, and that four months out of church was taking its toll on us. We were still sending our tithe to K-Love, but it was getting harder to be more intentional about it.

As a newly married couple, we decided to move back to Oklahoma. We had friends in Colorado that we needed to get away from, and we wanted to get plugged back into church. We continued being intentional about tithing, and we attended small group, and I was volunteering in the children's ministry at Journey Church.

Stacy got blessed with a phenomenally great job, and I got to attend City College and get my Medical Coding certificate. Our life continued to move forward as we grew in love, and in faith. We also took on some credit card debt - but let me make certain that you know it was not out of need, it was just instant gratification at its best. Our credit card never kept us off the street, it just kept gadgets at hand...unnecessary, expensive gadgets.

I finished up school summer of 2005, and right about the time of our first anniversary we found out we were expecting our first kidlet! What a joy that was, and I got to start staying home right away. So much for all that education and those loans....but we were going to be parents, and I was on top of the world.

Still tithing....

Fast forward through a second pregnancy, and we have two kids, and life goes horribly wrong. Stacy and I get a divorce. For the first time since 2002, I had my "own" finances. I got a job. My kids went to daycare. And I knew I must continue tithing. I had to trust God to get my through. There was some time in there that I didn't think I'd be receiving child support - but Stacy always came through with it. I don't think he had a choice. I mean, I'm sure with free will and all that he did...but I think God made sure it was there.
I got promoted, I started making more money at work, I got my own apartment. Still forward progress. Still tithing.

My point is, God has ALWAYS made sure our bills were covered. This is the most uncertain time I've ever faced, financially speaking. Not to mention I almost died.... but God took me to the verses in Malachi where He promises His blessing, and promises to rebuke the devourer, and those promises are to me. I have been obedient.

This doesn't mean I won't waiver again, and I'll have my doubts and my fears, because I am still human, and I'm not very good at trusting. However, honoring God with my money will still be my priority, and when I'm writing about the answers to this financial crisis, you will get to see with me just how faithful our God really is.

And if you think tithing seems crazy, know that it works. It is an act of worship, where we get to lay down our money before God and make Him more important then everything else in this world...and for those of you that know how I am about paying my bills, and my money, and never being without it, and all the careful planning and yes, even stress, I put into my bills, it is also one of the areas that God continually grows me, in faith, in trust, and in knowing Him, and knowing His desire to clothe, feed, and protect me.

And He does so much more! I've never picked between groceries and electricity....or electricity and a car payment....or a car payment and the credit card bill. I believe God is calling me to use the 90% better, and wiser, and to get rid of the debt, but that is another post. This post is dedicated to saying, He makes sure those bills are paid too...and I'm scared right now, but I'm holding my bible in my lap, reading in Malachi 3:7-15, and I'm going to stand on my solid Rock and Redeemer and trust Him again this month....even when mathematically it doesn't make sense....

Trust....

Today I revise my statement that the biggest lesson is life being what we make it. God is calling me to trust.

He called me to trust Him with my health, which as we know He came through. He brought me through an amazingly hard ordeal, and He is healing my body more and more every day. A week ago today I was NOT breathing on my own - there was a tube in my throat, pumping air into my lungs for me because I just couldn't do it on my own. Praise God for the technology, then for the fact that I survived the technology, and am at home a week later, blogging, sitting on my couch, recovering.

He called me to trust Him with my new year. MY NEW YEAR. The one I had big plans for. The one that I was organizing, arranging, planning for. He stopped my plans, changed my focus, and asked me to trust Him for the coming year.
He also taught me the value of a day....in the course of a week. He is really working in my an understanding of not knowing how many days we have, and how much we are blessed to accomplish in a day. We have so many opportunities to serve and love, every day, and God doesn't want us to miss those because we are planning for a year.

He called me to trust Him with my children. I've been at attachment parenting, baby wearing, my kids never leave me, kind of Mom most of my life as a mom. The boys never go anywhere, other than when they were going to visit Stacy, which was hard. I didn't like having them somewhere other than home, ever. Guess what? God took such good care of my boys. He used wonderfully loving people to do so, and my boys felt all the love in the world as they spent a week with their Pop & Grandma. Talk about a huge lesson, and God put my heart at ease and I am thankful for the help and love shown for my boys!

Now it's money. I feel like it's all going to come crashing in as we run out of the money we already had. I expected Stacy go back to work today and he didn't. I don't want to start loosing things because I got sick. I feel so bad for getting so sick and I feel like it's going to mess everything up. I don't want to make late payments. God keeps saying Trust me, and I keep pointing at the mess on my screen saying "BUT WE DON'T HAVE THAT!!" and sure, money came from thin air, and there was cash in my wallet that Stacy spent. I know God put that there. But somehow that seems different then all the bills getting paid this month. It's not really. So God is calling me to trust Him so more, and this afternoon I'm sitting here at my computer, being honest with you and telling you, this is hard. I made a choice today though, I paid the tithes instead of saving that money for a bill, and I expect that God will do a miracle with that money. He will touch someones life, He will bless them, and He will do a miracle. and I was obedient.

Thank you God for these lessons in trust....give me the strength I need to trust You each day, with each and every thing (good or bad) that I face.

Good times!

Ahhh! I am technically an hour late for a Saturday night blog post, but I'm going to count this one as it anyway - and I'll blog again Sunday evening so that I ddin't miss a day!!

I went out tonight with one of my neighbor friends, and we really had a great time. I needed the break and the time away, I've been about ready to explode the last couple of days. I'm having a hard time transitioning from being a stay at home mom to working mom, now back to stay at home mom. I am also having a hard time living with my ex.

He said something to me some nights ago, and I keep thinking about it. He said he'll always be the (beep) that left me, that ruined my life. Even if we ever started over, he could never fully be my husband, with good things to say. He would always be my (beep) ex, who made some changes so I married him again.

I know he is mostly right. I know that's how I am about it, because I was deeply wounded by the whole situation that brought us to a divorce. It's all ugly in my head, and I hate it. I can't get over how badly I never wanted a divorce enough to give him another chance, and I can't get over the fact that we are divorced. I'm stuck. I'm angry. My life was not supposed to look like this. Now I have the chance to live into being a stay at home, homeschooling, full time, dedicated Mom, and I don't trust him.

I am sick to my stomach at the lack of control I have over whether the bills get paid. I am angry that he is here all the time and I feel uncomfortable in my own home. I am also nosey about his life and what he is doing, and who he is talking to. I don't like feeling like there is something going on behind my back.

I honestly found myself wishing he would just get back together with his girlfriend so I could go on with my life. It's a weird thing to wish, but I am okay on my own. I'm not even looking for someone to date, or a relationship. I am usually content. I get lonely sometimes, but I am so burned by what's happened over the last 18 months that I see things skewed enough that I know if someone paid me a healthy dish of attention I wouldn't handle it well (or right).

So, I'm sitting here on the end of my couch, while my ex sleeps on the curve of the couch, knowing that I need to find true, deep forgiveness. I've learned to not pick fights, and I know the silence drives him nuts most of the time, but I need to keep my mouth shut, and I'm comfortable in that. I'm getting a little bit better at considering him and his feelings. I know I am growing. I also know that I haven't forgiven him like I need to, and I know it will hinder my growth. I know it will hinder my relationship with God, and it will hinder my relationships with my kids. No good can come from allowing bitterness, anger, hurt, resentment and blame to rest, grow, and be part of my life.

I know you'll read this "ex" - and know that this post requires, nor requests, any action on your part. This is about me, and my struggles, and the growth happening in my own life.

Snoozer's

Am I the only one that gets completely irritated when there is a man lying on the couch, mostly sleeping or grumbling at the kids that are playing, because he's not at work? For one reason or another, he's home today, and he's just sleeping? On the couch. Grumbling at the kids every single time they jump on him. Draining away my motivation to do anything, because I just want to be sleeping too?! Am I all alone in this frustration? Please tell me I'm not.




Now let me add one more detail...that at the moment seems so relevant. The man, on my couch, several mornings of the week, is my ex-husband. He's on workman's comp for a back injury – so it's not like he's just not working. He can't, and he's in pain. Yet, somehow, him snoring on my couch, or snoozing even when he's not snoring, is the most aggravating thing about my mornings. It grates on my nerves and causes my veins to boil. It also got me thinking...



How many times the last year has God looked over at me, ready to whisper a truth I needed, or a truth He desired for me to speak to someone that needed it, and I was snoozing? How many times was I grumbling, groggily, at the people in my life, when He needed my light to shine?


Wait, there's more.



The question. That one question, of all of questions, that truly makes me want to throw something at “the man on my couch”. “What needs to be done?” he asks. My jaw drops and my brain explodes every time. If you can't see that the floor in the kitchen needs swept and mopped, there are dirty dishes, laundry to be taken care of, lunch to be fixed, dog poop to clean up (from the yard!), toys to be picked up, vacuuming to be done, etc. then you need new eyes. And a dose of compassion from someone else because of what I'm about to do to you for asking that completely obnoxious, RIDICULOUS question.



Yet, how many divine appointments did I miss because I was sitting in the wrong waiting room, simply wanting to ask “What needs to be done?” - let me qualify this. We need to be prayerful devoted to seeking God's will for our life, each and every day. However, there are obvious things we can do to help the people around us, and I think sometime we overlook “small” tasks, waiting for God to lay down the master plan...yet God is waiting to lay down the master plan because He wants us to be devoted to the “small” tasks.



So, I'm going to count to ten, take a deep breath, get motivated, and stop snoozing through the God-whispers in my life, and try to be more patient with the snoozer in my life!

Defining Failure

As I'm mid way through another long week, I'm beginning to wonder how to define failure. Should it be defined by the things my kids are not exceling at? Work performance? Home life? A failed marriage? I'm thinking that as it stands, I don't measure up right now. I'm looking around and my kids are struggling, we get so little time at home that the couple hours in the evening just whiz by like they aren't really there, and most of you know by now that I am divorced. Work performance is going alright, I've taken on several roles and I'm maintaining for the time being. I suppose I'm paying my bills and buying groceries. Which is no small feat in this economy, but it just doesn't seem like success compared to all of the things going wrong. I'm trying my best, but that doesn't seem like enough. I keep praying for God's help, but I'm not any good at waiting, I need things to be resolved yesterday, and it's just not happening that way. I know God's timing is perfect and all, but it seems like my little boat is about to capsize in this storm....I suppose God's just stretching me. I suppose the good days where it looked like things were leveling out were just a chance to recooperate before another trying time. I'm no closer to figuring out how to define failure or success, and I don't have any more answers about how things will work out. I do know that God is looking out for us, and I think I'm a little more prepared to wait on the Lord after writing this.

Forgiveness

Forgiveness has got to be the hardest thing to give anyway. God's been softening my heart and really showing me how bad I really am at it. I thought I ranked moderately high on the forgiveness scale, until recently. As much of a struggle as it's been, I've made it entirely my own struggle. Somehow I decided that I had to the do the forgiving alone, to sort of earn my own forgiveness. Odd, seeing that I truly believe I am saved by grace through faith. I've been living outside of the love of God, and defintiely outside of the power of God. As I yield my heart to Him, I'm seeing miraculous miracles in my innermost being. I've stopped praying for change, and starting praying for transformation. I am so grateful for all that God is, and all that He does. As I am opening my life to His grace, it flows through me, giving me a clarity that I didn't have before, and a strength that is not my own. As I forgive, I'm finding myself with less to say, and more peace to hold my tongue. I'm willing to let other people interact with me more personally, and I'm slowly watching as God pushes the grip of fear out of my heart.

I just read "The Shack" by WM Young and all I can say is WOW. It challenged my view of God, and opened my eyes to things I hadn't considered. Now, I know the Bible is truth and our guide and that we should rely on the Word to shape our beliefs and our faith. I just think this book offered a beautiful perspective of the Trinity and is worth the time spent reading it! :)

Well, I'll probably write more on forgiveness, as I define what forgiveness means, and as God stretches me in this area. I'm so thankful for the hand of God on my life....

A little peek....

Here's a little peek into my recent struggles and some things I identified while driving home last night.

First off, while I don't wear my sins on my sleeve when I'm writing this blog, they are there. And I am quite adamant and convinced that I had just as much to do with the dissolution of my marriage. And that sucks. I hate it. Everyday. I didn't think the things I was doing would warrant my ex leaving me. I didn't think he'd walk out on me for it. I didn't think I'd end up a single mom, working full time, because of it. But I did. And if I had known those things would occur, I would like to think I wouldn't have been doing what I was doing, but I honestly don't know, because I didn't know.

Secondly, I like to do things myself. I like to see success and achieve goals, and while I can work with a team, I also like a lot of my "own" success. And giving those successes to God, and asking God for them, has been a huge challenge in my Christian walk...I'm learning, but it's been a slow process!

So, I'm driving home last night, contemplating my life, my ever intensifying schedule, and trying to process some things. I've been adding activities, and people, and friend dates to my life like crazy, and you know what I realized? I want to be accepted. And I'm pushing my limits, all of them I think, trying to gain acceptance. I just want to be loved, I want to know that no one else is going to walk out on me again. I want to know that I can trust people and be trusted. I don't want to feel alone. God has shown me that I am not alone, and has stilled the need/desire to go "man-hunting" for me. I am content to wait on His plan for me as far as a man-woman relationship goes. I am not, however, letting Him lead me in my daily activities.

I want to be everything, do everything and achieve everything, for everyone. I want to be so perfect that no one will get rid of me. I don't want to suffer that deep rejection that changed my life. I'm afraid to not fit in. Yet, I don't want to be fake. I don't want to give "face" answers - I want to answer from the heart the questions that are asked of me. I want people to really know me.

You know what God said last night? "You are loved, and wanted. I will never leave you, or forsake you. I sent my Son for you." And I'm resting today in the fact and truth that God bought me, at a price I couldn't fathom paying for anyone (especially when I'm thinking of my sons....) and I am His. I am His.

So, let this be a reminder to you, as well. You are loved, and wanted. God will never leave you, or forsake you. He sent His Son for you. You are His. Rest in that, take comfort, and let God strengthen you and hold you.

Struggles

Howdy friends! It's been a while because I'm having some personal, and selfish struggles. I don't know how to write about them without possibly hurting feelings, and that has given me a huge case of writer's block. So I'm writing about having writers block. Creative, huh?
It's been a pretty alright week, and I enjoyed my time with the boys thursday and friday - although by yesterday we were all stir crazy! Stacy picked them up last night and kept them overnight, then I got them at church this morning. We have had a decent day today, just hanging out with each other and taking a long nap. I'm trying to figure out what to do with myself. It's amazing how we define our roles in life based on the relationships we have - and not being a wife anymore has left a void in my life. I want the companionship a marriage provides. I want to feel like a whole family again, not a broken one. I'm not sure how to do that, and I keep feeling very down about it. I keep leaning on the truth that God is in control, and Jesus is enough.
Jesus is enough. It's hard to apply that. I can say it, and think it, and even believe it, but it's hard to apply it. I have to say though, when I pray and ask God to lift the weight off my shoulders, and ease the hole in my heart, He does. And that is when I get the deep breath of relief. I just forget that God has it, and I tug it back on, and let the void back in, and find myself dragging again. Everytime I read my Bible I am encouraged. Everytime I pray. Everytime I go to church. Everytime I meet with my small group. So, I'm going to remember that God is in control, and Jesus is enough. I'm going to continue to surround myself with people, places, and activities that remind me of God's love.
I struggled with the message at church today, and let me encourage you in this: If your pastor offends you, know that he/she is human...and know that there is something to be gained in the hard messages. Don't forget to look past yourself and your pastor to God, and what He has in store for you.
Well, I'll end here. Goodnight.

Decisions...

Hello Sunday Night, it's sure been a good day. I went to Summit Church this morning and listened to a thought-provoking message, based on the book of Job. I am so amazed at the way God speaks to me, and the way He reached out today and stopped the why questions and He's given me peace and the great reminder that "God is in control, and Jesus is enough."

I think I'm closer to a decision about church, but it's kind of hinging on an answer I'll get Wednesday when I go to small group. I want to keep going to the small group I'm going to. I am so excited about being a part of this group, and the conversations we have are so helpful to my walk with Christ. I have become a better Mom, I have grown spiritually, and my heart has healed, all because of this group of people that I truly believe God has brought together.

I never imagined myself so torn between two churches, but I am. I want to be planted in a church. I want to be plugged in, volunteering, attending group, bringing my children up with a very high involvement at church. I've never wanted to just attend. I like to contribute. I know I am not able to effectively contribute in both churches, and honestly, I can't think of a "con" list to either church. All I have are "pros" - and it's quite a long list on both sides! It's so crazy.

I still wake up with a heavy heart, and I lay awake at night, going over all of my bad choices and hurtful words that drove Stacy & I apart. I think of the hurts that built walls. I think sometimes I just want to lock my door and hide with my kids. I watch them hurt and struggle. I look at pictures of us as a family. I know my words and actions were less than helpful, but I just can't fathom how we ended up here.

Sundays are my best days.the fellowship and messages lift me up. I keep being attacked by a suffocating guilt, and God keeps sending messages of forgiveness. He keeps reminding me that Jesus covers all and giving me a place of rest and peace. I am grateful that God sees my every need and ministers to me according to that need. God truly is in control, Jesus is always enough. God loves me and Jesus died for me, and together they offer me hope and restoration.

And may this serve as a reminder to you, of the gospel upon which we found our faith. God loves YOU. Jesus died for YOU. Together they offer you hope and restoration.

Where's the Bible?

I hit the snooze button a few times too many, but managed a shower, a couple chapters in Luke, walking the dog, and getting the boys to school on time. I headed toward work, with the intention of working out. I felt a bit foggy, and my heart was heavy. I got to work, waiting for my work out buddy, who had a morning of small hassles, and we missed our work out. I had a 32oz green tea, and she got a coke, and we headed for Chickasha. When we arrived at the courthouse we went in the back door, wandered our way to the front side of the building, then sat and waited. And waited. Oh well, that's how it goes, hmm? Could be worse than just some waiting. My attorney arrived, said we'd be called up quickly due to the uncontested status of the divorce. My best friend accompanied me to the courthouse, but being that her darling two-year old was with her, she had to wait in the hall way while I went into the court room. I'm looking around, and my heart is heavy, and everything's foggy. How awful is it that I was among probably 15 cases of divorce, just to be heard by that one judge, in this one town, in this one county, on this one day. Ugh, that's disgusting and it made my stomach hurt. The first person was sworn by oath to tell the truth, and my only thought was "Where's the Bible?" Apparently they don't swear on the Bible anymore? Not that I can really imagine holding a Bible, swear to tell the truth, and proceed with divorce, I still struggle with wondering, if Jesus himself walked into my house, office, rode in my car, etc., would I be able to justify to Him why I just went through with it? I don't know. It's over, and I keep hoping for a deep breath and a sigh of relief, but I never saw myself getting a divorce....I never saw it being over. I never thought he'd walk away. I didn't think he could move on so fast. And how great must she be, to replace me? But then again, maybe I was harder to live with than I realized...

The orchestration of it all...

I'm baffled this morning, as I sit at work, thinking about the last two days of my life. As some of you may know, I attended church twice, once at Summit, once at Journey, on Sunday. I was deeply moved by both messages, and grateful for them. I quit mistreating my kids because Clark preached about not mistreating our kids. I will strive to be intentional about bringing them up, instead of just surviving their childhood.
I also gained an interesting perspective on our involvement in the hurts and wounds of others.
I didn't realize I'd live out the message Todd preached quite so soon. In fact, it was the very next day.
I was given the opportunity to respond to the crisis of a friend, and I am blessed to have been able to help. It wasn't easy, and I didn't know what to say, and I just kept remembering Todd saying "Sometimes you just need to be there..." and that kept my mouth shut and my presence in place. I couldn't change the outcome, and I couldn't take away the pain, but I could be there, as a sister in Christ, loving a dear sister.
I've been thinking and thinking and thinking. God had orchestrated this all beautifully - and some of it honestly must have began at least two years ago. See, in helping a friend, I leaned on another - as I needed someone to care for my kids so I could be fully available. So, I called another dear Sister, and she got my kids from day care. I knew they would be safe, loved, fed, and watched over, so I could help another Sister.
I received two messages from church that both applied - because in bringing my kids up in the Lord they need my example as much as my lectures *if not more!* So, I will live my life in service, and in that, I will teach them to live their lives the same way, I will strive to have positive involvement in the trials and hurts of others, and I will live my life for the Lord, seeking what He wants, more than what I want.
I will quit disqualifying myself from the service of others with excuses about my own hurts. While doing so doesn't make my hurts any less, it shifts my focus, and when I stop picking at the wound, God's amazing love, grace, and healing can come in, and He can send people and the Holy Spirit to take care of the wound. If you've ever bandaged a wounded animal then you know it is much easier to do so when they are distracted. I suppose I'm the same way. When I'm so wrapped up in me, I pick at it and never let it stop bleeding or heal. When I shift my focus and reach out to others, then I stop picking at my wounds, and they have a chance to heal.
I am amazed by the grace of God, and how He divinely orchestrated these last two days in my life. God doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called - and He certainly equipped me for what was coming. I am blessed beyond measure and my cup runneth over!