Balance: Necessity or Distraction?

Balance: to have an equality or equivalence in weight, parts, etc.; be in equilibrium

Also defined: : to arrange so that one set of elements exactly equals another

We all strive for balance don't we? I know many times I've said "I just need more balance in my life." It all becomes a balancing act. How much time can I devote to homeschooling, while still keeping up with my house? How much time can I spend online while still keeping up with my work? How much money can I spend without digging us deeper into the pit of debt? How much time can I let my children spend watching TV, so I can accomplish something around the house, while still fostering in them the desire to play and use their own imaginations? How much time can I devote to volunteering while still caring for my family? How many nights can we have a pre-arranged obligation (sports, dance, small groups, etc.) and how many nights should we be home? Where do I fit in time to read my Bible? Pray? Exercise? Shower? Change every one's sheets? Switch the laundry?

Then there is the challenge to eat balanced meals! And no one agrees on what that is. Meat, no meat, one vegetable or two, whole grain or not, 3 ounces or 4?

The strain that living a balanced life places on us is at times like a weight that can't be countered. Balance is about perfection, and last time I checked, I still wasn't able to achieve perfection on my own.

Then I had a thought. This was another one of those, as I close my eyes, trying to sleep for the night, my mind won't stop, thoughts. I sat up, and really had to consider it....

Did Jesus live a life that culturally would have been considered balanced?

I have to guess, from what we know of His life, that no, He did not. We know from scripture (Matt. 4:1-11) that Jesus went into the wilderness and fasted forty days and forty nights. I believe that Jesus was not eating or drinking. He didn't just give up sweets, or fried foods, or Facebook. He was not eating or drinking - for forty days and forty nights. Enter: Balance...where? I can't see it. He was tempted by the devil to turn rocks into food, He was tempted to prove Himself as the Son of God, He was tempted to worship Satan in trade for the glory of the kingdoms of the world. Starving, in a way that I can only imagine, He faithfully resisted the devil and He sent Satan away from Him. What about that speaks of balance? No balanced meals, no balancing work with the call of God on His life. He was called into the wilderness for a time of what I imagine to be profound growth and preparation for what was to come. He was focused, but I don't see balance in this picture.

How about Matt. 4:18-20? Jesus called two brothers, Simon called Peter and Andrew, who were fishermen, to leave their life's work, their careers, to follow Him. Enter: Balance...again I ask, where? He didn't ask them to work 40 hours a week instead of 50...He didn't ask them to devote an hour on Wednesday night to Him. He didn't ask for lip service, He asked for life service. He didn't want to be balanced in the midst of a prosperous career, a healthy family life, the right shows on TV, the right night to go to church. He wanted to be the center of it all and He wanted them to live with their focus on following Him.

How about Matt. 14:15-21 when the 5000 men, not including women and children, had followed Him to the desert, listening intently to His words? He didn't stop them all and send them to pack a picnic, He didn't stop feeding their spirits so that they could go feed their bodies. Enter: Balance....you got it, where? He didn't stop meeting their deep inner needs to worry about their bodies. Granted, He was Jesus and He performed a miracle, but He was more concerned about their hearts than their stomachs.

Or how about the Savior of the world, hanging on a cross, condemned, taking all of the sin of the world, paying the price for every sin we've ever committed, yet having lived an innocent life? He had not sinned before God, not once. Yet, He died for all, and more personally, He died for me. He had a calling on His life, one that required Him to live an out-of-balance life, yet He lived it perfectly. He knew that His power came from the Father, and He was at all times giving His Father the glory that is rightly His.

So today, as we are pressured to find the right balance, let me challenge you to tap into the source of power Himself, pray earnestly. Let God fill you to overflowing, and let Him draw you out of your balancing act. Let Him guide your steps, and follow His calling on your life. Don't let the cultural drive to make life a balancing act become a distraction from what God has for you. See, the devil is a master at changing our focus, because he knows that when we connect with God and live into our God-given, God-glorifying potential, that he will be squashed. The devil holds no more power over us than we allow him, yet he is a master of disguise. It's not often that the devil will tempt us with something so boldly labeled as sin, with a neon light flashing "Disobey God!" - because most of us would run away, or cast him out with the name of Jesus. The devil is powerless against the name of Jesus.

The devil is a master of distraction. He knows if he can slow you down, if he can shift your focus, if he can captivate your attention, then you will not live into the power that God is ready and waiting to give you. He knows that if you are distracted then you will not be as effective in the body of Christ, the church, your family, or ministry. If he can distract you, then he can prevent the salvation of another. He knows that once you're saved he can't erase the grace that God has covered you with, but he does know that once you're saved, if you live your life ineffectively, if you live your life distracted, he can prevent you from bringing another person to the grace of God, to the gift of salvation.

So, is balance a necessity or a distraction? What other distractions have you struggled with? What distractions have you overcome?

Influence, Impact, Effect

We all have it, whether we are aware of it or not. We all influence people around us. We have a direct impact on their lives, We have a profound and deep effect them. Let me challenge you to become intentionally aware of the influence you have, and do not doubt how far reaching that may be.

I've had several reasons to begin thinking about this. The first started with my recent stay in the hospital. People were impacted by me being ill than I had ever considered. The number of people concerned about me, praying for me, hoping for my recovery, astounded me. I have come to realize I am a social person, and I love to talk to people, but I didn't realize how many people truly took notice of, and cared about me.

A heartfelt thank you goes out to all of you. I thank God for you, for your prayers, your love, your notice, attention, and support. You are a blessing to me!

The next big reason I've been thinking about my "circle" of influence is because we are considering moving. I've made a comfortable life here, I love the culture here, and I have many reservations about leaving. I have people that come to my mind immediately that I would miss deeply. I also then have people that I don't encounter frequently, but when I do, I am always blessed. One such lady, a woman who works at the local library, is so dear. She has always been so kind, and helpful. I always look forward to seeing her when I'm at the library. I love to visit with her. Every day I'm presented with a new consideration for people that I will miss, and I truly believe the scope of it won't fully hit me until I've been gone for a few weeks.

This also got me thinking about how God wants to use me to minister to others. I wonder, how many times has someone been watching me, without me even realizing it, and did I shine for the glory of God? Did God receive praise because of me, or did I further some one's doubts or insecurities. Oh Lord, please put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth! I don't want to plant doubt, or grow insecurity. I want to shine Your light so bright that You would receive all the glory, honor, and praise forevermore. I want to reflect the love of Christ in my words and actions.

I challenge you, as we are all working on growing and making changes for the New Year, examine your heart. Recognize that your influence reaches beyond yourself and what you realize, and please turn on your light, shine for Christ, you never know who is watching!

Tithing

Please hear my heart as you read this post and know that this is a work God has done in my heart and my life. This is all for His glory, to His glory, because of His glory...I am just a clay pot, there are runs in my paint, I droop at the sides, but I am on the Potter's wheel, and when I let Him do the molding, and let Him add and take away water, I turn into something beautiful in the Creator's hands....too often though, I seem to be a clay pot with the notion that I can form myself...

Stacy and I started dating in 2002, in November. By February of 2003 we had moved to Oklahoma, and were attending Journey Church. We joined a premarital small group, lead by Brad Baker, and were attending church regularly. I'm not sure I even know why we ended up talking about tithing, heck I don't even remember the conversation. I do remember we decided to be intentional about tithing the first 10% of our income, all sources, and it became a priority.
As two kids, out on our own, living together unmarried, I think back and think we probably didn't have much to give. I was waiting tables, Stacy laid tile a couple times a month. We certainly weren't walking perfect Christian lives (I did say we lived together, unmarried, didn't I?), but we had decided to honor God with our money. I saw God do a miracle then, that got our insurance paid, and literally involved money appearing in thin air. I was there, it happened, I swear. I checked the INSURANCE envelope three times. THREE times. We didn't have enough for the insurance....then Stacy said I should check again, and as pissed as I was, I did. We were $18 short...and there was a $20 in there...in my book that was $2 for a 10% tithe...and the $18...and I knew God put that money there. I kept my envelopes very secure, and only Stacy & I knew we didn't have that money.

I cried. A lot. God paid my insurance, and I really wasn't sure He even noticed us. I was sure then....for a minute.

We moved back to Colorado in February of 2004, and as such weren't plugged into a church home. We began mailing our tithe to K-love Radio, since that was about the most Christian thing in our life. We got married in June, and that four months out of church was taking its toll on us. We were still sending our tithe to K-Love, but it was getting harder to be more intentional about it.

As a newly married couple, we decided to move back to Oklahoma. We had friends in Colorado that we needed to get away from, and we wanted to get plugged back into church. We continued being intentional about tithing, and we attended small group, and I was volunteering in the children's ministry at Journey Church.

Stacy got blessed with a phenomenally great job, and I got to attend City College and get my Medical Coding certificate. Our life continued to move forward as we grew in love, and in faith. We also took on some credit card debt - but let me make certain that you know it was not out of need, it was just instant gratification at its best. Our credit card never kept us off the street, it just kept gadgets at hand...unnecessary, expensive gadgets.

I finished up school summer of 2005, and right about the time of our first anniversary we found out we were expecting our first kidlet! What a joy that was, and I got to start staying home right away. So much for all that education and those loans....but we were going to be parents, and I was on top of the world.

Still tithing....

Fast forward through a second pregnancy, and we have two kids, and life goes horribly wrong. Stacy and I get a divorce. For the first time since 2002, I had my "own" finances. I got a job. My kids went to daycare. And I knew I must continue tithing. I had to trust God to get my through. There was some time in there that I didn't think I'd be receiving child support - but Stacy always came through with it. I don't think he had a choice. I mean, I'm sure with free will and all that he did...but I think God made sure it was there.
I got promoted, I started making more money at work, I got my own apartment. Still forward progress. Still tithing.

My point is, God has ALWAYS made sure our bills were covered. This is the most uncertain time I've ever faced, financially speaking. Not to mention I almost died.... but God took me to the verses in Malachi where He promises His blessing, and promises to rebuke the devourer, and those promises are to me. I have been obedient.

This doesn't mean I won't waiver again, and I'll have my doubts and my fears, because I am still human, and I'm not very good at trusting. However, honoring God with my money will still be my priority, and when I'm writing about the answers to this financial crisis, you will get to see with me just how faithful our God really is.

And if you think tithing seems crazy, know that it works. It is an act of worship, where we get to lay down our money before God and make Him more important then everything else in this world...and for those of you that know how I am about paying my bills, and my money, and never being without it, and all the careful planning and yes, even stress, I put into my bills, it is also one of the areas that God continually grows me, in faith, in trust, and in knowing Him, and knowing His desire to clothe, feed, and protect me.

And He does so much more! I've never picked between groceries and electricity....or electricity and a car payment....or a car payment and the credit card bill. I believe God is calling me to use the 90% better, and wiser, and to get rid of the debt, but that is another post. This post is dedicated to saying, He makes sure those bills are paid too...and I'm scared right now, but I'm holding my bible in my lap, reading in Malachi 3:7-15, and I'm going to stand on my solid Rock and Redeemer and trust Him again this month....even when mathematically it doesn't make sense....

Trust....

Today I revise my statement that the biggest lesson is life being what we make it. God is calling me to trust.

He called me to trust Him with my health, which as we know He came through. He brought me through an amazingly hard ordeal, and He is healing my body more and more every day. A week ago today I was NOT breathing on my own - there was a tube in my throat, pumping air into my lungs for me because I just couldn't do it on my own. Praise God for the technology, then for the fact that I survived the technology, and am at home a week later, blogging, sitting on my couch, recovering.

He called me to trust Him with my new year. MY NEW YEAR. The one I had big plans for. The one that I was organizing, arranging, planning for. He stopped my plans, changed my focus, and asked me to trust Him for the coming year.
He also taught me the value of a day....in the course of a week. He is really working in my an understanding of not knowing how many days we have, and how much we are blessed to accomplish in a day. We have so many opportunities to serve and love, every day, and God doesn't want us to miss those because we are planning for a year.

He called me to trust Him with my children. I've been at attachment parenting, baby wearing, my kids never leave me, kind of Mom most of my life as a mom. The boys never go anywhere, other than when they were going to visit Stacy, which was hard. I didn't like having them somewhere other than home, ever. Guess what? God took such good care of my boys. He used wonderfully loving people to do so, and my boys felt all the love in the world as they spent a week with their Pop & Grandma. Talk about a huge lesson, and God put my heart at ease and I am thankful for the help and love shown for my boys!

Now it's money. I feel like it's all going to come crashing in as we run out of the money we already had. I expected Stacy go back to work today and he didn't. I don't want to start loosing things because I got sick. I feel so bad for getting so sick and I feel like it's going to mess everything up. I don't want to make late payments. God keeps saying Trust me, and I keep pointing at the mess on my screen saying "BUT WE DON'T HAVE THAT!!" and sure, money came from thin air, and there was cash in my wallet that Stacy spent. I know God put that there. But somehow that seems different then all the bills getting paid this month. It's not really. So God is calling me to trust Him so more, and this afternoon I'm sitting here at my computer, being honest with you and telling you, this is hard. I made a choice today though, I paid the tithes instead of saving that money for a bill, and I expect that God will do a miracle with that money. He will touch someones life, He will bless them, and He will do a miracle. and I was obedient.

Thank you God for these lessons in trust....give me the strength I need to trust You each day, with each and every thing (good or bad) that I face.

Snoozer's

Am I the only one that gets completely irritated when there is a man lying on the couch, mostly sleeping or grumbling at the kids that are playing, because he's not at work? For one reason or another, he's home today, and he's just sleeping? On the couch. Grumbling at the kids every single time they jump on him. Draining away my motivation to do anything, because I just want to be sleeping too?! Am I all alone in this frustration? Please tell me I'm not.




Now let me add one more detail...that at the moment seems so relevant. The man, on my couch, several mornings of the week, is my ex-husband. He's on workman's comp for a back injury – so it's not like he's just not working. He can't, and he's in pain. Yet, somehow, him snoring on my couch, or snoozing even when he's not snoring, is the most aggravating thing about my mornings. It grates on my nerves and causes my veins to boil. It also got me thinking...



How many times the last year has God looked over at me, ready to whisper a truth I needed, or a truth He desired for me to speak to someone that needed it, and I was snoozing? How many times was I grumbling, groggily, at the people in my life, when He needed my light to shine?


Wait, there's more.



The question. That one question, of all of questions, that truly makes me want to throw something at “the man on my couch”. “What needs to be done?” he asks. My jaw drops and my brain explodes every time. If you can't see that the floor in the kitchen needs swept and mopped, there are dirty dishes, laundry to be taken care of, lunch to be fixed, dog poop to clean up (from the yard!), toys to be picked up, vacuuming to be done, etc. then you need new eyes. And a dose of compassion from someone else because of what I'm about to do to you for asking that completely obnoxious, RIDICULOUS question.



Yet, how many divine appointments did I miss because I was sitting in the wrong waiting room, simply wanting to ask “What needs to be done?” - let me qualify this. We need to be prayerful devoted to seeking God's will for our life, each and every day. However, there are obvious things we can do to help the people around us, and I think sometime we overlook “small” tasks, waiting for God to lay down the master plan...yet God is waiting to lay down the master plan because He wants us to be devoted to the “small” tasks.



So, I'm going to count to ten, take a deep breath, get motivated, and stop snoozing through the God-whispers in my life, and try to be more patient with the snoozer in my life!

A jumbled mess of thoughts!

I'm excited to be here for Day 2 - which is actually my third day IN A ROW blogging - and I have no idea what to write about. I thought about something on the way home, and it was particularly brilliant, and now I have no idea what it even was.

I took my two boys out to see Tangled - which was a decent movie, cute, not any vulgar language that I really noticed, and the characters remained fully clothed - which is a huge deal to me. I truly believe it is my duty to protect my boys' minds from sexual imagery that will leaving a lasting imprint on their brains. I feel like I fight this fight alone, but it's worth it to me. I want them to respect women, and especially their wives, in a counter culteral way! I want this respect to include their young lives, and the things they see with their eyes, hear with their ears, and speak about. I want them to understand that the damage done by sexual immorality isn't just done to themselves. It affects their relationships - and especially their relationship with their wife.

Now, I understand, my boys are very young, and they aren't getting married anytime soon - but this is when it starts. This is when it has to be important, or it never will be.

As I'm writing this, my oldest is reading his Bible, and my youngest is "reading" 365 Bible stories for bedtime. I feel a huge sense of peace about this, and I'm watching them, and thinking I should get out my Bible too, it's about time for a good, truthful life-shaping story that will grow me into the Mom they need me to be...the Mom that God is calling me to be...

As today fades....

Sweetly Broken Video

Jay

MySpace Video
 
So I'm headed for the big D and don't mean Dallas. Cheesy, I know. I heard that song a few weeks back and it made my stomach hurt. I suppose I'm coping with it alright. I keep hearing Stacy point out that I filed for the thing. Course, I'm equally quick to point out that he walked out, and moved in with his now girlfriend. He was "sleeping on her couch" before I filed for divorce. I suppose that's the way it goes right? It's a horrible case of blame-shifting. Careful, I'll tell on you at group if you don't stop blame shifting...that used to be such a funny joke. Now, I just shake my head and sigh. I'm a bit wound up tonight, court is in the morning. I'm sitting here writing this, and I'm so tense and stressed that I think I could stay up all night. I want to start cleaning and crocheting and continue writing. I think I'm going to go to http://www.pandora.com/ and turn on my "David Crowder Station" and try to mellow out a little.
 
Okay, music on. The video I embedded was pointed out by a friend and fellow blogger. Excellent song and video. I'm trying to remember tonight that Christ takes me as I am. I'm thankful for the forgiveness extended to me, and I'm praying for God to reveal what exactly forgiveness looks like toward Stacy, from me, right now. Stacy told me Friday to just go, and not delay it. I was asking him to kick out his girlfriend and work on things with me, and he didn't want to kick her out. So, I was left wondering what's so wrong with me. I finally quit letting the question eat at me as of today. I'm a sinner, saved by grace, and that grace is enough. God is in control, and Jesus is enough. Period. That will be my simple truth, everytime I feel weak.
 
On a completely off track side note, Asher was so funny tonight! He was talking to Isaiah and he said "I love you Isa...I mean SUPERMAN!" and he grinned, a big, goofy, Asher grin, and said to Isaiah, "You are awesome." I swear, you can't buy entertainment, or LOVE like that. The boys rubbed each others back tonight in the bath, and both said "I hope you feel better." Aww! I love the moments when they reach out to each other and are simply thoughtful and loving.
 
Asher did significantly better listening to me today! We've been reading a devotional at bedtime, and praying. Plus, I have really been working on not just yelling and flying off the handle. I just remind myself to take a deep breath and be intentional, and when I calm down, the boys respond better.
 
I found Chase a great home. Or rather, a great home for Chase found me. She has a pink collar, a new bed, is inside, and has two kids to play with! I think she's found a beautiful family to be a part of and while I will miss her, I know that it was best. I'm also feeling a bit more compassionate toward Oliver. Hopefully we can get a schedule worked out and he will get used to going potty while on the leash.
 
Well, I'm going to take him out for a while, then I'm going to sleep as best I can - tomorrow is going to be a long day. Goodnight friends!