Balance: Necessity or Distraction?

Balance: to have an equality or equivalence in weight, parts, etc.; be in equilibrium

Also defined: : to arrange so that one set of elements exactly equals another

We all strive for balance don't we? I know many times I've said "I just need more balance in my life." It all becomes a balancing act. How much time can I devote to homeschooling, while still keeping up with my house? How much time can I spend online while still keeping up with my work? How much money can I spend without digging us deeper into the pit of debt? How much time can I let my children spend watching TV, so I can accomplish something around the house, while still fostering in them the desire to play and use their own imaginations? How much time can I devote to volunteering while still caring for my family? How many nights can we have a pre-arranged obligation (sports, dance, small groups, etc.) and how many nights should we be home? Where do I fit in time to read my Bible? Pray? Exercise? Shower? Change every one's sheets? Switch the laundry?

Then there is the challenge to eat balanced meals! And no one agrees on what that is. Meat, no meat, one vegetable or two, whole grain or not, 3 ounces or 4?

The strain that living a balanced life places on us is at times like a weight that can't be countered. Balance is about perfection, and last time I checked, I still wasn't able to achieve perfection on my own.

Then I had a thought. This was another one of those, as I close my eyes, trying to sleep for the night, my mind won't stop, thoughts. I sat up, and really had to consider it....

Did Jesus live a life that culturally would have been considered balanced?

I have to guess, from what we know of His life, that no, He did not. We know from scripture (Matt. 4:1-11) that Jesus went into the wilderness and fasted forty days and forty nights. I believe that Jesus was not eating or drinking. He didn't just give up sweets, or fried foods, or Facebook. He was not eating or drinking - for forty days and forty nights. Enter: Balance...where? I can't see it. He was tempted by the devil to turn rocks into food, He was tempted to prove Himself as the Son of God, He was tempted to worship Satan in trade for the glory of the kingdoms of the world. Starving, in a way that I can only imagine, He faithfully resisted the devil and He sent Satan away from Him. What about that speaks of balance? No balanced meals, no balancing work with the call of God on His life. He was called into the wilderness for a time of what I imagine to be profound growth and preparation for what was to come. He was focused, but I don't see balance in this picture.

How about Matt. 4:18-20? Jesus called two brothers, Simon called Peter and Andrew, who were fishermen, to leave their life's work, their careers, to follow Him. Enter: Balance...again I ask, where? He didn't ask them to work 40 hours a week instead of 50...He didn't ask them to devote an hour on Wednesday night to Him. He didn't ask for lip service, He asked for life service. He didn't want to be balanced in the midst of a prosperous career, a healthy family life, the right shows on TV, the right night to go to church. He wanted to be the center of it all and He wanted them to live with their focus on following Him.

How about Matt. 14:15-21 when the 5000 men, not including women and children, had followed Him to the desert, listening intently to His words? He didn't stop them all and send them to pack a picnic, He didn't stop feeding their spirits so that they could go feed their bodies. Enter: Balance....you got it, where? He didn't stop meeting their deep inner needs to worry about their bodies. Granted, He was Jesus and He performed a miracle, but He was more concerned about their hearts than their stomachs.

Or how about the Savior of the world, hanging on a cross, condemned, taking all of the sin of the world, paying the price for every sin we've ever committed, yet having lived an innocent life? He had not sinned before God, not once. Yet, He died for all, and more personally, He died for me. He had a calling on His life, one that required Him to live an out-of-balance life, yet He lived it perfectly. He knew that His power came from the Father, and He was at all times giving His Father the glory that is rightly His.

So today, as we are pressured to find the right balance, let me challenge you to tap into the source of power Himself, pray earnestly. Let God fill you to overflowing, and let Him draw you out of your balancing act. Let Him guide your steps, and follow His calling on your life. Don't let the cultural drive to make life a balancing act become a distraction from what God has for you. See, the devil is a master at changing our focus, because he knows that when we connect with God and live into our God-given, God-glorifying potential, that he will be squashed. The devil holds no more power over us than we allow him, yet he is a master of disguise. It's not often that the devil will tempt us with something so boldly labeled as sin, with a neon light flashing "Disobey God!" - because most of us would run away, or cast him out with the name of Jesus. The devil is powerless against the name of Jesus.

The devil is a master of distraction. He knows if he can slow you down, if he can shift your focus, if he can captivate your attention, then you will not live into the power that God is ready and waiting to give you. He knows that if you are distracted then you will not be as effective in the body of Christ, the church, your family, or ministry. If he can distract you, then he can prevent the salvation of another. He knows that once you're saved he can't erase the grace that God has covered you with, but he does know that once you're saved, if you live your life ineffectively, if you live your life distracted, he can prevent you from bringing another person to the grace of God, to the gift of salvation.

So, is balance a necessity or a distraction? What other distractions have you struggled with? What distractions have you overcome?

Spelling words & creating structure

Asher's favorite thing about school is spelling words and spelling tests. He loves getting new words to practice, and he loves when I write 100% in red next to a sticker or a smile-y face. It makes his day. He spends all week practicing those words so he can get them right. It is really cute - and mirrors my own love of words and spelling, writing and reading.

Isaiah, on the other hand, is very hands on. He needs projects and games to help him learn. Let me tell you - this is so not my style it is a challenge, and at times, a frustration. I'm a book smart kinda girl. Give me a book and I will master the subject matter. I have had the opportunity in my life to hear a few lectures, and that is great with me too. I don't really require hands on, although a few times I have gained a deeper understanding by putting into action something I have learned, it's not necessary for me on a regular basis.

Suddenly, I'm faced with the realization that homeschooling will not be what I thought it would. See, the way I remember it, Mom provided a solid curriculum, helped with regular tests, and a lot of the study time was on my own. Mom didn't stand there lecturing, I read, studied, and tested. She administered the tests, but most of the study was self guided (with requirements on number of pages/lessons/chapters completed per day/week). Of course, I was in the third grade when we started, and I'm pretty sure I was reading very fluently then, so it's a little easier to "self-guide" when you can read an entire text book. I doubt, however that even when Isaiah is reading he will be the self-guided student that I remember being.

I've also realized that projects are fun. I want to take the kids places to encourage their understanding of history and geography, I want to watch them build things, and apply science to fun, at home projects. I want to foster in them a love and a passion for learning. I want them to understand that God gave us this beautiful world to explore, and I want them to understand that all things point to Him for His glory.

I want them to discover what they are passionate about, and I want to give them the strength to pursue it. I want to watch them blossom, and I pray that God would give me the wisdom, strength, patience and perseverance to do just that.

So, today I am reviewing plans for the week, building a better structure, preparing to do more guiding, and trying to find ways to draw my children both into the process of learning. They are only 16 months apart in age, and some days that doesn't seem like much, and other days it feels like they are worlds apart.

I thank God for the opportunity to educate my children at home. I pray that He gives me exactly what I need to share with them, and that He opens their hearts and minds wide to learn about the beautiful world He created for us!

Trust....

Today I revise my statement that the biggest lesson is life being what we make it. God is calling me to trust.

He called me to trust Him with my health, which as we know He came through. He brought me through an amazingly hard ordeal, and He is healing my body more and more every day. A week ago today I was NOT breathing on my own - there was a tube in my throat, pumping air into my lungs for me because I just couldn't do it on my own. Praise God for the technology, then for the fact that I survived the technology, and am at home a week later, blogging, sitting on my couch, recovering.

He called me to trust Him with my new year. MY NEW YEAR. The one I had big plans for. The one that I was organizing, arranging, planning for. He stopped my plans, changed my focus, and asked me to trust Him for the coming year.
He also taught me the value of a day....in the course of a week. He is really working in my an understanding of not knowing how many days we have, and how much we are blessed to accomplish in a day. We have so many opportunities to serve and love, every day, and God doesn't want us to miss those because we are planning for a year.

He called me to trust Him with my children. I've been at attachment parenting, baby wearing, my kids never leave me, kind of Mom most of my life as a mom. The boys never go anywhere, other than when they were going to visit Stacy, which was hard. I didn't like having them somewhere other than home, ever. Guess what? God took such good care of my boys. He used wonderfully loving people to do so, and my boys felt all the love in the world as they spent a week with their Pop & Grandma. Talk about a huge lesson, and God put my heart at ease and I am thankful for the help and love shown for my boys!

Now it's money. I feel like it's all going to come crashing in as we run out of the money we already had. I expected Stacy go back to work today and he didn't. I don't want to start loosing things because I got sick. I feel so bad for getting so sick and I feel like it's going to mess everything up. I don't want to make late payments. God keeps saying Trust me, and I keep pointing at the mess on my screen saying "BUT WE DON'T HAVE THAT!!" and sure, money came from thin air, and there was cash in my wallet that Stacy spent. I know God put that there. But somehow that seems different then all the bills getting paid this month. It's not really. So God is calling me to trust Him so more, and this afternoon I'm sitting here at my computer, being honest with you and telling you, this is hard. I made a choice today though, I paid the tithes instead of saving that money for a bill, and I expect that God will do a miracle with that money. He will touch someones life, He will bless them, and He will do a miracle. and I was obedient.

Thank you God for these lessons in trust....give me the strength I need to trust You each day, with each and every thing (good or bad) that I face.

Snoozer's

Am I the only one that gets completely irritated when there is a man lying on the couch, mostly sleeping or grumbling at the kids that are playing, because he's not at work? For one reason or another, he's home today, and he's just sleeping? On the couch. Grumbling at the kids every single time they jump on him. Draining away my motivation to do anything, because I just want to be sleeping too?! Am I all alone in this frustration? Please tell me I'm not.




Now let me add one more detail...that at the moment seems so relevant. The man, on my couch, several mornings of the week, is my ex-husband. He's on workman's comp for a back injury – so it's not like he's just not working. He can't, and he's in pain. Yet, somehow, him snoring on my couch, or snoozing even when he's not snoring, is the most aggravating thing about my mornings. It grates on my nerves and causes my veins to boil. It also got me thinking...



How many times the last year has God looked over at me, ready to whisper a truth I needed, or a truth He desired for me to speak to someone that needed it, and I was snoozing? How many times was I grumbling, groggily, at the people in my life, when He needed my light to shine?


Wait, there's more.



The question. That one question, of all of questions, that truly makes me want to throw something at “the man on my couch”. “What needs to be done?” he asks. My jaw drops and my brain explodes every time. If you can't see that the floor in the kitchen needs swept and mopped, there are dirty dishes, laundry to be taken care of, lunch to be fixed, dog poop to clean up (from the yard!), toys to be picked up, vacuuming to be done, etc. then you need new eyes. And a dose of compassion from someone else because of what I'm about to do to you for asking that completely obnoxious, RIDICULOUS question.



Yet, how many divine appointments did I miss because I was sitting in the wrong waiting room, simply wanting to ask “What needs to be done?” - let me qualify this. We need to be prayerful devoted to seeking God's will for our life, each and every day. However, there are obvious things we can do to help the people around us, and I think sometime we overlook “small” tasks, waiting for God to lay down the master plan...yet God is waiting to lay down the master plan because He wants us to be devoted to the “small” tasks.



So, I'm going to count to ten, take a deep breath, get motivated, and stop snoozing through the God-whispers in my life, and try to be more patient with the snoozer in my life!

Defining Failure

As I'm mid way through another long week, I'm beginning to wonder how to define failure. Should it be defined by the things my kids are not exceling at? Work performance? Home life? A failed marriage? I'm thinking that as it stands, I don't measure up right now. I'm looking around and my kids are struggling, we get so little time at home that the couple hours in the evening just whiz by like they aren't really there, and most of you know by now that I am divorced. Work performance is going alright, I've taken on several roles and I'm maintaining for the time being. I suppose I'm paying my bills and buying groceries. Which is no small feat in this economy, but it just doesn't seem like success compared to all of the things going wrong. I'm trying my best, but that doesn't seem like enough. I keep praying for God's help, but I'm not any good at waiting, I need things to be resolved yesterday, and it's just not happening that way. I know God's timing is perfect and all, but it seems like my little boat is about to capsize in this storm....I suppose God's just stretching me. I suppose the good days where it looked like things were leveling out were just a chance to recooperate before another trying time. I'm no closer to figuring out how to define failure or success, and I don't have any more answers about how things will work out. I do know that God is looking out for us, and I think I'm a little more prepared to wait on the Lord after writing this.

As today fades....

Sweetly Broken Video

Jay

MySpace Video
 
So I'm headed for the big D and don't mean Dallas. Cheesy, I know. I heard that song a few weeks back and it made my stomach hurt. I suppose I'm coping with it alright. I keep hearing Stacy point out that I filed for the thing. Course, I'm equally quick to point out that he walked out, and moved in with his now girlfriend. He was "sleeping on her couch" before I filed for divorce. I suppose that's the way it goes right? It's a horrible case of blame-shifting. Careful, I'll tell on you at group if you don't stop blame shifting...that used to be such a funny joke. Now, I just shake my head and sigh. I'm a bit wound up tonight, court is in the morning. I'm sitting here writing this, and I'm so tense and stressed that I think I could stay up all night. I want to start cleaning and crocheting and continue writing. I think I'm going to go to http://www.pandora.com/ and turn on my "David Crowder Station" and try to mellow out a little.
 
Okay, music on. The video I embedded was pointed out by a friend and fellow blogger. Excellent song and video. I'm trying to remember tonight that Christ takes me as I am. I'm thankful for the forgiveness extended to me, and I'm praying for God to reveal what exactly forgiveness looks like toward Stacy, from me, right now. Stacy told me Friday to just go, and not delay it. I was asking him to kick out his girlfriend and work on things with me, and he didn't want to kick her out. So, I was left wondering what's so wrong with me. I finally quit letting the question eat at me as of today. I'm a sinner, saved by grace, and that grace is enough. God is in control, and Jesus is enough. Period. That will be my simple truth, everytime I feel weak.
 
On a completely off track side note, Asher was so funny tonight! He was talking to Isaiah and he said "I love you Isa...I mean SUPERMAN!" and he grinned, a big, goofy, Asher grin, and said to Isaiah, "You are awesome." I swear, you can't buy entertainment, or LOVE like that. The boys rubbed each others back tonight in the bath, and both said "I hope you feel better." Aww! I love the moments when they reach out to each other and are simply thoughtful and loving.
 
Asher did significantly better listening to me today! We've been reading a devotional at bedtime, and praying. Plus, I have really been working on not just yelling and flying off the handle. I just remind myself to take a deep breath and be intentional, and when I calm down, the boys respond better.
 
I found Chase a great home. Or rather, a great home for Chase found me. She has a pink collar, a new bed, is inside, and has two kids to play with! I think she's found a beautiful family to be a part of and while I will miss her, I know that it was best. I'm also feeling a bit more compassionate toward Oliver. Hopefully we can get a schedule worked out and he will get used to going potty while on the leash.
 
Well, I'm going to take him out for a while, then I'm going to sleep as best I can - tomorrow is going to be a long day. Goodnight friends!