Oh how I want to be a real writer. How wonderful would that be? Authoring articles and columns and books?! Being featured in the local newspaper, a national magazine, having a New York Times bestseller? I think all of the above would totally rock my world.
I keep disqualifying myself. It's usually the stupidest things that disqualify me, too. Like, learning how someone else has outlined a book, or created successful dialogue in their book. I think, nearly instantly, I don't do it that way, I'm not a real writer.
Then something I read talks about publishing terms, author's rights, subsidiary rights, and I think I'm not a real writer, I don't know about any of that.
Query letters come up, and I have yet to write my first one, and I begin wondering if I can ever become a real writer.
Yet, here I am, with a blog. A blog that I enjoy immensely no matter how much traffic shows up. A blog that I am dedicated to developing further as I learn more about myself. I also have a book in the making. Whether or not anyone else likes it, my Mom and I are enjoying it.
Maybe I am defining my success by what I consider to be the success of others. Maybe success for me is discovering what I'm passionate about through writing and in writing. Maybe success for me is just knowing I started, and finished, a book. Maybe success for me is writing a blog for a whole year...or maybe five years. While yes, I will admit that I want what I write to be well read by many, maybe I should stop defining success by how many people are reading. Maybe I should define success by the quality of each piece I write.
So, as I continue on this writing journey, I'm going to work toward producing quality, and set my standard for myself high. Then, maybe, just maybe, I'll look for some success by how many people are reading.
How do you define success?
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Am I Content?
I have a fairly cool life. I have gadgets, video game systems, a smart phone, laptop, etc. I have books, and DVD's, CD's and photo albums. I have stuff. I have kids. I have vehicles. A roof. A dog. A horse. Food. I have the essentials...plus a lot more. And it is pretty awesome, most of the time.
Yet, I usually want more. Wait. I want more. Always. I always want more. There is always something else I want. I could list off a few things, ready? Go: Kindle, Ipod touch, PS3, new entertainment center, another bookcase, a desk, a new dresser, new clothes, a new pair of shoes, a treadmill, another DVD shelf, etc. etc. etc. Oh, and the big one. More kids. I want to have more kids, at least two more.
Have you seen the mess that is my life? Yeah, more kids is not a good idea. Not that kids aren't great and all, but I live with my ex-husband, as roommates. And I want another baby. Crazy.
Well, my ex got a vasectomy after our youngest was born. I knew then that it was bad idea (wait wait...I went along with it, agreed to it, made logical sense of why we were doing it....I went to the Dr. appointments, in fact, I made the appointments.) and I still think it was a bad idea. He's my ex, but he's the father of the two I already have, he's doing a pretty good job. I'd have more kids with him. Yes, I'm crazy.
And my Mom mentioned prayers for contentment, and it struck me. Like an anvil falling out of the sky. I don't very often look at my life and say, "WOW! Thanks God. This is amazing and please help me be the best I can be to take care of all of this." Nope. Not me. I look at my life and say, "Okay, well. This is working in these areas, but I'd like to change this, move this, update that, add to that, take away from this, scratch that, mix this up. Maybe then, it will be enough."
I take things into my own hands, ignore God, ignore what He is trying to do, the path He has for me, the life He is calling me to, and I venture out on my own. I try to make things go my way, in favor of what I want, and it just messes stuff up. I wish I'd get out of the way!!
So, I am going to examine the areas where I am behaving like I know best, screaming "MY WAY! I HAVE to have this, I don't care what lengths I have to go to. I am doing this. RIGHT NOW." and let go. I'm going to get out the crowbar and pry my fingers off of my life, and let it go. Because God didn't put me here to put me in charge. God put me here to learn to let Him have full control.
Are you content? If not, what area of your life could use more contentment?
Yet, I usually want more. Wait. I want more. Always. I always want more. There is always something else I want. I could list off a few things, ready? Go: Kindle, Ipod touch, PS3, new entertainment center, another bookcase, a desk, a new dresser, new clothes, a new pair of shoes, a treadmill, another DVD shelf, etc. etc. etc. Oh, and the big one. More kids. I want to have more kids, at least two more.
Have you seen the mess that is my life? Yeah, more kids is not a good idea. Not that kids aren't great and all, but I live with my ex-husband, as roommates. And I want another baby. Crazy.
Well, my ex got a vasectomy after our youngest was born. I knew then that it was bad idea (wait wait...I went along with it, agreed to it, made logical sense of why we were doing it....I went to the Dr. appointments, in fact, I made the appointments.) and I still think it was a bad idea. He's my ex, but he's the father of the two I already have, he's doing a pretty good job. I'd have more kids with him. Yes, I'm crazy.
And my Mom mentioned prayers for contentment, and it struck me. Like an anvil falling out of the sky. I don't very often look at my life and say, "WOW! Thanks God. This is amazing and please help me be the best I can be to take care of all of this." Nope. Not me. I look at my life and say, "Okay, well. This is working in these areas, but I'd like to change this, move this, update that, add to that, take away from this, scratch that, mix this up. Maybe then, it will be enough."
I take things into my own hands, ignore God, ignore what He is trying to do, the path He has for me, the life He is calling me to, and I venture out on my own. I try to make things go my way, in favor of what I want, and it just messes stuff up. I wish I'd get out of the way!!
So, I am going to examine the areas where I am behaving like I know best, screaming "MY WAY! I HAVE to have this, I don't care what lengths I have to go to. I am doing this. RIGHT NOW." and let go. I'm going to get out the crowbar and pry my fingers off of my life, and let it go. Because God didn't put me here to put me in charge. God put me here to learn to let Him have full control.
Are you content? If not, what area of your life could use more contentment?
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Over Reacting
My boys are such curious little beings. I never expected my five year old to be so suave. Certainly not at his age.
We had to get gasoline and as soon as we climbed out of the truck, he noticed two teenage girls. He promptly called out, "Hey ladies." His tone was far too grown up, and far too suave. They didn't notice. Whew.
We walked into the station, and he marched right up to the counter, promptly telling the woman behind the counter, "You are beautiful." Oh heavens. Hush boy. Yet, she was flattered, and he immediately showed off his muscles. This has been my daily encounter with other women for the last week or so.
Yet, Mr. Suave has this crushing ability to point out my weight. I have told him that the way he does it is rude, and I am horrified that this will become a publicly embarrassing moment for myself and possibly someone else.
His younger brother got one up on him the other day. He horrified me. He embarrassed me, and made me mad!
We were leaving the grocery store (where Mr. Suave had told the checker she was beautiful) and one of the nice, older men that helps bag groceries and carry them to the car, was entering the store. He told the boys, "Bye guys!"
My youngest promptly replied, "Bye Bagger!"
The man coming in behind the store employee says, "What'd that kid just say to you?"
My youngest, "I said, Bye Bagger!"
Me: Utterly horrified. I yelled at him all the way to the truck. I told him we call men "Sir" that calling them names is unacceptable. I was livid. I was horribly embarrassed. I didn't know if we should march back in and apologize, or speed away and NEVER return. My heart was pounding in my chest, my eyes stung. I was about to cry, and I was furious. I had no idea where my child learned to be so utterly disrespectful and rude.
And then his pitiful face made me realize, as I had brought him to tears too, that he had no idea he was being rude. The man bags groceries. There's no shame in that. He has a job, and he does it well. He's always nice to us, smiling, pleasant, helpful. My son, who is only 3, had no idea that it was rude to identify that guy by his job description. Neither of us knew his name, which is way more my bad then my boys. And I hugged my baby. And apologized.
Looking back, I wish I had taken him inside and had him explain that he just knew that he bagged groceries and apologize. But I didn't.
Have you ever over reacted to something your child did in innocence?
We had to get gasoline and as soon as we climbed out of the truck, he noticed two teenage girls. He promptly called out, "Hey ladies." His tone was far too grown up, and far too suave. They didn't notice. Whew.
We walked into the station, and he marched right up to the counter, promptly telling the woman behind the counter, "You are beautiful." Oh heavens. Hush boy. Yet, she was flattered, and he immediately showed off his muscles. This has been my daily encounter with other women for the last week or so.
Yet, Mr. Suave has this crushing ability to point out my weight. I have told him that the way he does it is rude, and I am horrified that this will become a publicly embarrassing moment for myself and possibly someone else.
His younger brother got one up on him the other day. He horrified me. He embarrassed me, and made me mad!
We were leaving the grocery store (where Mr. Suave had told the checker she was beautiful) and one of the nice, older men that helps bag groceries and carry them to the car, was entering the store. He told the boys, "Bye guys!"
My youngest promptly replied, "Bye Bagger!"
The man coming in behind the store employee says, "What'd that kid just say to you?"
My youngest, "I said, Bye Bagger!"
Me: Utterly horrified. I yelled at him all the way to the truck. I told him we call men "Sir" that calling them names is unacceptable. I was livid. I was horribly embarrassed. I didn't know if we should march back in and apologize, or speed away and NEVER return. My heart was pounding in my chest, my eyes stung. I was about to cry, and I was furious. I had no idea where my child learned to be so utterly disrespectful and rude.
And then his pitiful face made me realize, as I had brought him to tears too, that he had no idea he was being rude. The man bags groceries. There's no shame in that. He has a job, and he does it well. He's always nice to us, smiling, pleasant, helpful. My son, who is only 3, had no idea that it was rude to identify that guy by his job description. Neither of us knew his name, which is way more my bad then my boys. And I hugged my baby. And apologized.
Looking back, I wish I had taken him inside and had him explain that he just knew that he bagged groceries and apologize. But I didn't.
Have you ever over reacted to something your child did in innocence?
Friday, March 25, 2011
So Many Dreams
I have been trying to figure out what I am truly passionate about versus what I am only interested in. There are so many things I would like to accomplish in my lifetime. I'll list a few of my dreams:
1. A farm - I want to own my own farm, complete with goats, lambs, chickens, a huge garden, some fruit trees, a great play area, horses, a round pen and arena, a chicken coop, a barn, etc. I want 10-15 acres and I want to spend my time outside, working hard and enjoying the benefits of the labor.
2. I want to own real estate. I want to have rental properties specifically. I want to be a kind landlord, that offers reasonable rent rates, great service, and great homes for people to rent.
3. I want to open a bakery. I love to make sweet treats, and I want to spend all day doing that in a medium sized commercial grade kitchen. I want to see the smiles on peoples faces when they enjoy the things I baked.
4. I want to make a career of writing. I'm working on a novel and two blogs. I want to write articles, columns, books, etc. I also would like to do some public speaking.
5. I want to read a book a week for the rest of my life.
6. I want to write my own home school curriculum instead of purchasing one, yet I feel horribly inadequate to do so.
7. I want train horses and give horse riding lessons, and compete nationally with my horses. I want to teach kids and adults alike to ride and enjoy horses. I want to train horses that go on to compete nationally.
Those are the main ones the are currently circulating through my brain every day. I don't even know how to begin weeding them out. I can see combining #1 & #7 - that makes sense to me. #4 & #5 can go hand in hand - because reading will sharpen my writing skills. I believe I could come up with a great home school curriculum, but doing it is always where I get sidetracked. It's just easier to buy one, ya know? A bakery and real estate? How many hours do I think are in a day?!? Yet, I can't seem to figure out which is more or less important to me.
How about you? What do you dream of doing? Are you working on making any of your dreams a reality?
1. A farm - I want to own my own farm, complete with goats, lambs, chickens, a huge garden, some fruit trees, a great play area, horses, a round pen and arena, a chicken coop, a barn, etc. I want 10-15 acres and I want to spend my time outside, working hard and enjoying the benefits of the labor.
2. I want to own real estate. I want to have rental properties specifically. I want to be a kind landlord, that offers reasonable rent rates, great service, and great homes for people to rent.
3. I want to open a bakery. I love to make sweet treats, and I want to spend all day doing that in a medium sized commercial grade kitchen. I want to see the smiles on peoples faces when they enjoy the things I baked.
4. I want to make a career of writing. I'm working on a novel and two blogs. I want to write articles, columns, books, etc. I also would like to do some public speaking.
5. I want to read a book a week for the rest of my life.
6. I want to write my own home school curriculum instead of purchasing one, yet I feel horribly inadequate to do so.
7. I want train horses and give horse riding lessons, and compete nationally with my horses. I want to teach kids and adults alike to ride and enjoy horses. I want to train horses that go on to compete nationally.
Those are the main ones the are currently circulating through my brain every day. I don't even know how to begin weeding them out. I can see combining #1 & #7 - that makes sense to me. #4 & #5 can go hand in hand - because reading will sharpen my writing skills. I believe I could come up with a great home school curriculum, but doing it is always where I get sidetracked. It's just easier to buy one, ya know? A bakery and real estate? How many hours do I think are in a day?!? Yet, I can't seem to figure out which is more or less important to me.
How about you? What do you dream of doing? Are you working on making any of your dreams a reality?
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Equipped
Or rather ill-equipped is how I am feeling right now. I am at a loss for words to comfort a friend, and I'm feeling like I'm just not equipped for the things I've been given. I want to do it all, be all, see all, experience all, and at the end of the day, I'm usually left feeling like I missed something big. Should have said something more. Should have....would have....could have...and I'm thinking that I'm just not the right fit.
Have you ever felt that way? Cause I look around at the people in my life and for the most part, everyone has it together. I envision perfectly serene homeschooling days, super spotless homes, warm, nutritious meals three times a day, and two balanced snacks between meals. I see early risers making sure to clean and do dishes before the day begins. Those same early risers then stay up until the wee hours of the night making, baking, building, preparing, planning, cutting, crafting, creating, sewing, etc. to start all over and rise early and run this perfect home.
And I stand with my head tilted to the side, and begin blaming myself for being lazy, not planning, not doing, not preparing, not forcing my sleepy self out of bed, for all of the things I get impatient about. For all of the times the dishes sit. For all of the laundry that's not where it belongs yet, whether it be clean or dirty. I look at my house and want to organize it, yet, I've run out of places to put things because I don't have much room for bookshelves in my apartment.
Today I was praying. And crying. I wanted to know what I'd been doing wrong and why God picked me for something. I am completely ill-equipped to be helpful. No way to share understanding, no way to relate. No experience to draw from. No words to say. No advice to give. No answers. Nothing. I have nothing. And you know what? I think that's the beauty of it.
I think, after being frustrated and angry that I couldn't DO more, when I finally let God's words sink in, He wasn't calling me to DO...just to be. To listen. To love.
Sometimes words of wisdom and advice are necessary, yet other times, no words can help, just a friend who will listen can. Oh how this is a hard lesson for me! I am a talker. I like to say the right things, and do the right things, and have the right, wise words for someone. I much prefer when God uses my mouth than my ears.
But I am just a pot, who am I to question my Creator?
Have you ever felt that way? Cause I look around at the people in my life and for the most part, everyone has it together. I envision perfectly serene homeschooling days, super spotless homes, warm, nutritious meals three times a day, and two balanced snacks between meals. I see early risers making sure to clean and do dishes before the day begins. Those same early risers then stay up until the wee hours of the night making, baking, building, preparing, planning, cutting, crafting, creating, sewing, etc. to start all over and rise early and run this perfect home.
And I stand with my head tilted to the side, and begin blaming myself for being lazy, not planning, not doing, not preparing, not forcing my sleepy self out of bed, for all of the things I get impatient about. For all of the times the dishes sit. For all of the laundry that's not where it belongs yet, whether it be clean or dirty. I look at my house and want to organize it, yet, I've run out of places to put things because I don't have much room for bookshelves in my apartment.
Today I was praying. And crying. I wanted to know what I'd been doing wrong and why God picked me for something. I am completely ill-equipped to be helpful. No way to share understanding, no way to relate. No experience to draw from. No words to say. No advice to give. No answers. Nothing. I have nothing. And you know what? I think that's the beauty of it.
I think, after being frustrated and angry that I couldn't DO more, when I finally let God's words sink in, He wasn't calling me to DO...just to be. To listen. To love.
Sometimes words of wisdom and advice are necessary, yet other times, no words can help, just a friend who will listen can. Oh how this is a hard lesson for me! I am a talker. I like to say the right things, and do the right things, and have the right, wise words for someone. I much prefer when God uses my mouth than my ears.
But I am just a pot, who am I to question my Creator?
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
More on the flute...
(I first mentioned the flute here: http://realliferealmessy.blogspot.com/2011/03/faith-or-fear.html)
A flute doesn't doubt that it can play music either. It knows what it was made for, and it doesn't ever try to be the drums, or a canvas, or a photograph, or a vocal chord. It is a flute, and it is shaped to play beautiful music.
God has shaped me to do great things for Him. God has shaped me to serve Him in a unique way. This cannot be an excuse to create my own “truth” (read: lie) about my purpose, or this world, or what I should or shouldn't do. This is a God-given shape, that I should use to serve Him. To know how to do that best, I must read His Word, pray, and seek Him. I should be open and receptive to the Spirit. I should also be obedient. This starts to sound like a lot and I know how many times I've failed in this life. Yet, He sweetly reminds me that I don't have to do this in my own strength. The Holy Spirit lives within me, and God sent Jesus to bridge the gap. His strength will carry me on toward the finish line.
What is your God-given shape (strength, talent, skill, passion)? How are you learning to use your shape for God?
A flute doesn't doubt that it can play music either. It knows what it was made for, and it doesn't ever try to be the drums, or a canvas, or a photograph, or a vocal chord. It is a flute, and it is shaped to play beautiful music.
God has shaped me to do great things for Him. God has shaped me to serve Him in a unique way. This cannot be an excuse to create my own “truth” (read: lie) about my purpose, or this world, or what I should or shouldn't do. This is a God-given shape, that I should use to serve Him. To know how to do that best, I must read His Word, pray, and seek Him. I should be open and receptive to the Spirit. I should also be obedient. This starts to sound like a lot and I know how many times I've failed in this life. Yet, He sweetly reminds me that I don't have to do this in my own strength. The Holy Spirit lives within me, and God sent Jesus to bridge the gap. His strength will carry me on toward the finish line.
What is your God-given shape (strength, talent, skill, passion)? How are you learning to use your shape for God?
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Target Audience
Everything I'm reading about writing is to determine a main subject line and a target audience. I am trying to figure out what I want to write the most about, and I have NO IDEA. I have been considering starting a homeschool blog and a blog about training my horse, but I wonder if that's too much to keep up with. Yet, if I'm supposed to find a main subject line and a target audience...how do I do that when I want to blog about all of those things? Can something like that be determined per piece or article? Not in a blog so much, but do authors ever write about multiple subjects, and get published in multiple avenues?
I know the target audience for the book I'm writing, so that is helpful. I have other book ideas that won't target the same audience, and I'm wondering if that is good or bad. I will continue to write the book I'm currently tangled up in, and hopefully I will find more answers to my questions.
Here are the things I know: I love to write. I love to write about a vast array of topics. I have decided I want to see the things I write in multiple print forms, such as: magazines, books, newspapers, ezines, etc. I want to continue to improve my writing and researching skills. I want to start a new online writing class every 6-12 weeks.
I hope to start my own website this year, and I will use that as an outlet for multiple subjects and topics. I am ready to watch this talent and passion of mine grow, and hopefully as it grows, I will identify the things I truly want to write about.
What are you passionate about and how do you fine-tune your talents and skills?
I know the target audience for the book I'm writing, so that is helpful. I have other book ideas that won't target the same audience, and I'm wondering if that is good or bad. I will continue to write the book I'm currently tangled up in, and hopefully I will find more answers to my questions.
Here are the things I know: I love to write. I love to write about a vast array of topics. I have decided I want to see the things I write in multiple print forms, such as: magazines, books, newspapers, ezines, etc. I want to continue to improve my writing and researching skills. I want to start a new online writing class every 6-12 weeks.
I hope to start my own website this year, and I will use that as an outlet for multiple subjects and topics. I am ready to watch this talent and passion of mine grow, and hopefully as it grows, I will identify the things I truly want to write about.
What are you passionate about and how do you fine-tune your talents and skills?
A Real Cowboy!
Kid's say and do the darndest things. Let me explain. Yesterday we adventured to the library, then to Dollar General for some milk. Having selected our milk and a couple of snacks, we were waiting to check out. As it got to be out turn, a man stepped up behind us, in cowboy boots, wearing a cowboy hat, and Asher turned to talk to him. Asher told him he was a real nice guy, then suddenly, as if just realizing how the man was dressed, he asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"
Now, I am naturally inclined to be embarassed, I think, because I instantly wanted to stop my boy in his tracks. Yet, that man was so thrilled by Asher's sincere expression and excitement. He told him, "I supposed I am, I've got five horses." He let Asher think about this, then asked him, "Do you like horses?" Asher literally jumped off the ground, nodded, and told him, "I do, I have one, I have a Cheeky." I was pretty sure the man didn't quite understand, so I told him, "We actually have a horse, too." The boys told the "real" cowboy bye, and waved, and as we were leaving the store, they both let me know how cool it was to meet a "real" cowboy!
Maybe today I'll shock them by telling them that they are "real" cowboys too - hats, boots, and a horse included!
Now, I am naturally inclined to be embarassed, I think, because I instantly wanted to stop my boy in his tracks. Yet, that man was so thrilled by Asher's sincere expression and excitement. He told him, "I supposed I am, I've got five horses." He let Asher think about this, then asked him, "Do you like horses?" Asher literally jumped off the ground, nodded, and told him, "I do, I have one, I have a Cheeky." I was pretty sure the man didn't quite understand, so I told him, "We actually have a horse, too." The boys told the "real" cowboy bye, and waved, and as we were leaving the store, they both let me know how cool it was to meet a "real" cowboy!
Maybe today I'll shock them by telling them that they are "real" cowboys too - hats, boots, and a horse included!
Friday, March 18, 2011
Dear Book
Dear Book,
My life still needs me. You see, I have two great children. Boys, actually, two boys, and they are 5 and 3 years old. They need my attention. I am homeschooling them, so I must take time to educate them properly. Don't think I say this begrudgingly - quite the contrary, I love schooling my kiddos, and I am so thankful to be learning alongside them. We also have a dog. Now, I am blessed with the most mellow dog on the planet. He just lays around all day long. Yet, he still needs food, water, walking, and petting. All of us are currently housed in a two bedroom apartment. Although that is changing soon, the housework will be increasing with the size of the home. I must keep up with the laundry, and the dishes.
My dear friend Book, I have also decided to embark on a journey toward physical health. I am now requring myself to MAKE time each day for exercise, and I am planning my meals in advance so that I eat more healthfully. So, while I would like to be confined to your pages, for hours upon endless hours, I cannot cave into this temptation. You must please bare with me and keep in mind that my family had me first, and my home did too. You are just supposed to be squeezed in as I can fit you.
With that being said, please know that I am doing something completely out of the ordinary for myself. I am now getting up between 4 and 5 AM to dedicate some time to you. Please feel honored by this, and please take what you can get without begging me for more. I am not, however, asking for all ideas to stop flowing. Rather, I want you to continue to inspire me, I want to have those random thoughts that turn into written magic. I want to continue to experience the ups and downs that come with writing you.
I have written this all in love, my dear friend Book. You have been a great addition to my life, and I plan on keeping you around until you are completed. I hope to see you published and sitting upon my shelf someday in the near future. I want you to sit there, on the shelf, as my first work of written art, and while you sit there, I hope you inspire me to greatness. Okay, well, that last part is a bit blown out of proportion. I hope and pray that God fills me with inspiration and that He helps me achieve greatness...through you, and many more literary masterpieces. Is it to soon to consider you a masterpiece? Certainly no! I have children, and each piece is a masterpiece...and each masterpiece is better than the last!
Sincerely,
Your Loving Author
My life still needs me. You see, I have two great children. Boys, actually, two boys, and they are 5 and 3 years old. They need my attention. I am homeschooling them, so I must take time to educate them properly. Don't think I say this begrudgingly - quite the contrary, I love schooling my kiddos, and I am so thankful to be learning alongside them. We also have a dog. Now, I am blessed with the most mellow dog on the planet. He just lays around all day long. Yet, he still needs food, water, walking, and petting. All of us are currently housed in a two bedroom apartment. Although that is changing soon, the housework will be increasing with the size of the home. I must keep up with the laundry, and the dishes.
My dear friend Book, I have also decided to embark on a journey toward physical health. I am now requring myself to MAKE time each day for exercise, and I am planning my meals in advance so that I eat more healthfully. So, while I would like to be confined to your pages, for hours upon endless hours, I cannot cave into this temptation. You must please bare with me and keep in mind that my family had me first, and my home did too. You are just supposed to be squeezed in as I can fit you.
With that being said, please know that I am doing something completely out of the ordinary for myself. I am now getting up between 4 and 5 AM to dedicate some time to you. Please feel honored by this, and please take what you can get without begging me for more. I am not, however, asking for all ideas to stop flowing. Rather, I want you to continue to inspire me, I want to have those random thoughts that turn into written magic. I want to continue to experience the ups and downs that come with writing you.
I have written this all in love, my dear friend Book. You have been a great addition to my life, and I plan on keeping you around until you are completed. I hope to see you published and sitting upon my shelf someday in the near future. I want you to sit there, on the shelf, as my first work of written art, and while you sit there, I hope you inspire me to greatness. Okay, well, that last part is a bit blown out of proportion. I hope and pray that God fills me with inspiration and that He helps me achieve greatness...through you, and many more literary masterpieces. Is it to soon to consider you a masterpiece? Certainly no! I have children, and each piece is a masterpiece...and each masterpiece is better than the last!
Sincerely,
Your Loving Author
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
My Dream Writing Space
Some of you may know, some may not, but I love to write! ;) I'm working on a book, have ideas for a few others, plus my blog here. Well, I have two blogs, actually. One about my journey to getting physically healthier, and this one. Tonight, I'm going to imagine a little...and what I'll be imagining is my dream writing space...
Let's just say there's more hours in a day, and I've cooked, cleaned, played, educated, and all other things Mom, and I am now entering that serene place where I write...and write....and write!
I would have a well lit room, with a window or two. Sitting along one wall would be a wood desk, with drawers on the right. I would own a comfortable office chair, and the floor would be easy to roll around on.
A friend of mine actually owns the desk (or at least one just like it!) that I want - she puts her TV on it....
I would have my computer set up at the desk. I would have a notebook and pen on the desk, and my printer would be there as well. There would be pens, red and black, in the drawers, along with other notebooks. Each book would get it's very own notebook. I would have a bookshelf to the right of me, with three ring binders, books for research, and anything currently inspirational for this project.
Under the window to the left of me would be a cute little stand that matched the bookcase and desk, and it would have a CD player on top of it. It would have drawers, and in those drawers would be the music that inspires me when I write.
Ultimately I would get to spend 4 hours a day, 4 or 5 days a week, writing my books and blogs.
Don't forget, the coaster on the desk. To keep from getting water stains, but so that I don't get dehydrated from all of that hard work. There would be plenty of room for pacing, so I could think out an idea if need be!
This room would be my writing room...I also have dreams for a hobby (read: scrapbooking!) room...
What is your dream space?
Let's just say there's more hours in a day, and I've cooked, cleaned, played, educated, and all other things Mom, and I am now entering that serene place where I write...and write....and write!
I would have a well lit room, with a window or two. Sitting along one wall would be a wood desk, with drawers on the right. I would own a comfortable office chair, and the floor would be easy to roll around on.
A friend of mine actually owns the desk (or at least one just like it!) that I want - she puts her TV on it....
I would have my computer set up at the desk. I would have a notebook and pen on the desk, and my printer would be there as well. There would be pens, red and black, in the drawers, along with other notebooks. Each book would get it's very own notebook. I would have a bookshelf to the right of me, with three ring binders, books for research, and anything currently inspirational for this project.
Under the window to the left of me would be a cute little stand that matched the bookcase and desk, and it would have a CD player on top of it. It would have drawers, and in those drawers would be the music that inspires me when I write.
Ultimately I would get to spend 4 hours a day, 4 or 5 days a week, writing my books and blogs.
Don't forget, the coaster on the desk. To keep from getting water stains, but so that I don't get dehydrated from all of that hard work. There would be plenty of room for pacing, so I could think out an idea if need be!
This room would be my writing room...I also have dreams for a hobby (read: scrapbooking!) room...
What is your dream space?
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Made in His Image...
God has been leading me, teaching me, molding me. Some of God's changes are welcome, some are not so much. Most of them are hard to make. Worth it, but hard.
God's been reminding me how we are made in His image. This is hard for me to grasp, but lately here is what's been on my heart. We are made in His image, He is NOT made in our image. This is beautiful to me for a few reasons:
1.) God made us like Him, and He created us with freedom. What we did in the past, and continue to do with that freedom, is our own doing. If we are not seeking to live with Him, and obedient to Him, that is our choice, and we cannot blame Him for the outcome.
2.) Of all of the things I've ever created, I can't fathom worshiping any of it. Nothing I've ever created has the ability to create, or the breath of life in it. Granted, I grew a baby in my belly, but I can't take credit for creating either of those babies. I didn't make the egg, or the sperm. I didn't create the beautifully complex process of conception.
3.) I am flawed, so therefore I will only ever create a flawed god, if I try to create my own god. God, however, is perfect, He is glorious. He is complete. He created me. What I've done with the freedom He created me with is my own choice. From here forward, I want to experience my freedom from God, by living within the boundaries He lovingly gives me. I want to honor and glorify Him by my choices...by my whole life.
God's been reminding me how we are made in His image. This is hard for me to grasp, but lately here is what's been on my heart. We are made in His image, He is NOT made in our image. This is beautiful to me for a few reasons:
1.) God made us like Him, and He created us with freedom. What we did in the past, and continue to do with that freedom, is our own doing. If we are not seeking to live with Him, and obedient to Him, that is our choice, and we cannot blame Him for the outcome.
2.) Of all of the things I've ever created, I can't fathom worshiping any of it. Nothing I've ever created has the ability to create, or the breath of life in it. Granted, I grew a baby in my belly, but I can't take credit for creating either of those babies. I didn't make the egg, or the sperm. I didn't create the beautifully complex process of conception.
3.) I am flawed, so therefore I will only ever create a flawed god, if I try to create my own god. God, however, is perfect, He is glorious. He is complete. He created me. What I've done with the freedom He created me with is my own choice. From here forward, I want to experience my freedom from God, by living within the boundaries He lovingly gives me. I want to honor and glorify Him by my choices...by my whole life.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Faith or Fear?
2 Timothy 1:6-8 (King James Version)
6 Wherefore I put thee in remembrance that thou stir up the gift of God, which is in thee by the putting on of my hands.
7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
8 Be not thou therefore ashamed of the testimony of our Lord, nor of me his prisoner: but be thou partaker of the afflictions of the gospel according to the power of God;
God has been moving mountains lately and speaking to my heart. He is tearing down walls and stirring me. I want more of Him. I want to live for Him. I want to be fully devoted. Yet, as I get excited in the quiet place, alone with God, I find my excitement gets zapped away to nothing in the "real world".
I walk out of my quiet place and suddenly I don't want to be the weird one. Let me explain!
I feel a deep sense of urgency to lay hands on and pray for people who are sick. Randomly, in public even. Like, people who are coughing, or more profoundly, people in wheel chairs. I cannot count the times I have shrunk away from that urge, left the isle I was on, or even left the store I was in. I mean, really, what would someone think?
My perception of what they would think: Freak. Don't touch me. Get off me. Go away. Crazy. Loon.
I'm certain that they would not only think these things, but shout them. Yell at me. Run me off. So I don't even try. I wonder what God thinks when I do that.
Yet, God doesn't yell. It hurts me to say that I have at times, many of them, found it easier to ignore the quiet voice of God, then to ignore the mere chance that someone might yell at me.
I don't want to live consumed by this fear. I want to go boldly and I want to be a flute. You see, a flute does nothing until someone plays it. Then the wind flows through it and a beautiful sound is emitted. But alone, the flute cannot do this. I want God to play a beautiful melody through me. He created me in just the right way, with just the right talents, for His purposes. Yet, alone, I am nothing. I want Him to send me, and I want His power to flow through me.
I no longer want this complacent, best friend image of Jesus. This image of Jesus too often blurs with what I have experienced in friendship. The watered down, whatever works for you, I won't offend you, please don't offend me, kind of friendship. I want to experience the POWER of Jesus. I want the richness of truth, I want the hard facts. I don't want to go with what "works for me" I want to go with the truth.
Yet, I'm writing this from inside a safe place, sitting behind my computer. This doesn't take much work.
Now I have to ask myself, will I walk out my front door and live in faith or fear?
6 Wherefore I put thee in remembrance that thou stir up the gift of God, which is in thee by the putting on of my hands.
7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
8 Be not thou therefore ashamed of the testimony of our Lord, nor of me his prisoner: but be thou partaker of the afflictions of the gospel according to the power of God;
God has been moving mountains lately and speaking to my heart. He is tearing down walls and stirring me. I want more of Him. I want to live for Him. I want to be fully devoted. Yet, as I get excited in the quiet place, alone with God, I find my excitement gets zapped away to nothing in the "real world".
I walk out of my quiet place and suddenly I don't want to be the weird one. Let me explain!
I feel a deep sense of urgency to lay hands on and pray for people who are sick. Randomly, in public even. Like, people who are coughing, or more profoundly, people in wheel chairs. I cannot count the times I have shrunk away from that urge, left the isle I was on, or even left the store I was in. I mean, really, what would someone think?
My perception of what they would think: Freak. Don't touch me. Get off me. Go away. Crazy. Loon.
I'm certain that they would not only think these things, but shout them. Yell at me. Run me off. So I don't even try. I wonder what God thinks when I do that.
Yet, God doesn't yell. It hurts me to say that I have at times, many of them, found it easier to ignore the quiet voice of God, then to ignore the mere chance that someone might yell at me.
I don't want to live consumed by this fear. I want to go boldly and I want to be a flute. You see, a flute does nothing until someone plays it. Then the wind flows through it and a beautiful sound is emitted. But alone, the flute cannot do this. I want God to play a beautiful melody through me. He created me in just the right way, with just the right talents, for His purposes. Yet, alone, I am nothing. I want Him to send me, and I want His power to flow through me.
I no longer want this complacent, best friend image of Jesus. This image of Jesus too often blurs with what I have experienced in friendship. The watered down, whatever works for you, I won't offend you, please don't offend me, kind of friendship. I want to experience the POWER of Jesus. I want the richness of truth, I want the hard facts. I don't want to go with what "works for me" I want to go with the truth.
Yet, I'm writing this from inside a safe place, sitting behind my computer. This doesn't take much work.
Now I have to ask myself, will I walk out my front door and live in faith or fear?
Friday, March 4, 2011
Born Sinful
We are born into sin. This truth stops me in my tracks now that I have children. Okay, correction...this truth stopped me in my tracks when my children were smaller. I can see it a little bit, now. However, when I was holding my newborn baby boy, the idea that he was born into sin was hard to believe, at best. In fact, I think I even doubted that it was true. Honestly, what seems sinful about a baby?
Now that I am sharing a home and life with two boys, boys that walk, talk, and form opinions, I am starting to see it a little bit. They assert themselves, they test boundaries, they display the worst behaviors possible in the most public of places. They talk back, throw fits, demand to have their way, they are even generally selfish. Don't read this wrong, I love my children. I am passionate about raising my children, and I am thankful to have them. I am also certain that the fall of man made the raising of children a very different, and difficult, process.
When God told Eve she would have pain in child-bearing, I previously only considered that to be a "during labor & delivery" statement. I am beginning to think that was only the beginning. God knew that we would have to cope with and correct the sins of our children and that it would be a painful process to bear with them in love as they grow.
We must raise up our children, we cannot just let them grow up – they will have a birthday every year, but that doesn't change anything but the number of their age. We must teach them what sin is, what temptation is, how to recognize it, avoid it, and repent from it. We are called to teach them about their Creator, and His love, His wrath, His death on the cross, His forgiveness, His will, His word.
As I deal with the next bad choice, I pray that God gives me the right words. I pray that I don't over-emphasize "right" behavior, and under-emphasize a dependence on God and their need for a Saviour. Now, don't get me wrong. I will continue to correct my children, but they are not perfect, and all of my corrections will never make them be perfect. I pray that I don't teach them to try to be perfect, but rather to seek God, and His forgiveness. These are the years when they learn where to turn, and on whom to rely. I don't want them to be self-reliant, or to rely on this world, or me, or friends, etc. I want them to rely on God.
How do you handle bad choices and sinful behavior in your children? How do you help lead them to the cross when they miss the mark?
Now that I am sharing a home and life with two boys, boys that walk, talk, and form opinions, I am starting to see it a little bit. They assert themselves, they test boundaries, they display the worst behaviors possible in the most public of places. They talk back, throw fits, demand to have their way, they are even generally selfish. Don't read this wrong, I love my children. I am passionate about raising my children, and I am thankful to have them. I am also certain that the fall of man made the raising of children a very different, and difficult, process.
When God told Eve she would have pain in child-bearing, I previously only considered that to be a "during labor & delivery" statement. I am beginning to think that was only the beginning. God knew that we would have to cope with and correct the sins of our children and that it would be a painful process to bear with them in love as they grow.
We must raise up our children, we cannot just let them grow up – they will have a birthday every year, but that doesn't change anything but the number of their age. We must teach them what sin is, what temptation is, how to recognize it, avoid it, and repent from it. We are called to teach them about their Creator, and His love, His wrath, His death on the cross, His forgiveness, His will, His word.
As I deal with the next bad choice, I pray that God gives me the right words. I pray that I don't over-emphasize "right" behavior, and under-emphasize a dependence on God and their need for a Saviour. Now, don't get me wrong. I will continue to correct my children, but they are not perfect, and all of my corrections will never make them be perfect. I pray that I don't teach them to try to be perfect, but rather to seek God, and His forgiveness. These are the years when they learn where to turn, and on whom to rely. I don't want them to be self-reliant, or to rely on this world, or me, or friends, etc. I want them to rely on God.
How do you handle bad choices and sinful behavior in your children? How do you help lead them to the cross when they miss the mark?
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Audibly Claustrophobic
2011 is a year of revelations. A year of growth.
My most recent discovery: I am audibly claustrophobic (from here out: AC). Would you like to know what I mean by that? When it gets loud around me, specifically when there are a variety of loud sounds, I get stressed out, feel a bit closed in, and I get CRABBY.
Me, crabby? Never! Okay, okay, I am kidding. I get crabby. I've been trying to identify some of my triggers, and noise is definitely one of them. Now, I can handle the kids yelling and screaming, or worship at church. Combine the kids screaming, with the TV being up too loud, and the dryer running - that's when we are headed for crabby Momma.
I was thinking about this today, trying to decide if there was someway to curb the crabbiness, even when I get overwhelmed. An interesting thought popped into my head. How much noise does God hear? I cannot fathom all the incoming prayers, the constant praise He is receiving from the angels in heaven, and our loved ones that are with Him, worshipping Him. Consider the fact that the world is experiencing "day time" at all times, in other words, just because it's night where I am, doesn't mean it's night all around the world. There isn't even room to say that maybe enough people are sleeping at the same time to make it quiet for God for just a moment. I am praising God for His ability to 1: handle all of that noise without getting crabby, and 2: being able to filter my small cry from all of that noise and respond to me in His loving and infinitely wise way!
As I am trying to find ways to cope with the stress that noise causes me to feel, I am also seeking a way to filter out the important voices in my life. God, of course, is the most important voice in my life. I want to hear Him despite the noise. I also want to hear and respond correctly to my children, even when I'm overwhelmed by the volume in the room or truck. I also want to be able to listen to my friends and respond accordingly.
What things affect your mood? Have you found ways to deal with being overwhelmed, without taking it out on the people around you?
My most recent discovery: I am audibly claustrophobic (from here out: AC). Would you like to know what I mean by that? When it gets loud around me, specifically when there are a variety of loud sounds, I get stressed out, feel a bit closed in, and I get CRABBY.
Me, crabby? Never! Okay, okay, I am kidding. I get crabby. I've been trying to identify some of my triggers, and noise is definitely one of them. Now, I can handle the kids yelling and screaming, or worship at church. Combine the kids screaming, with the TV being up too loud, and the dryer running - that's when we are headed for crabby Momma.
I was thinking about this today, trying to decide if there was someway to curb the crabbiness, even when I get overwhelmed. An interesting thought popped into my head. How much noise does God hear? I cannot fathom all the incoming prayers, the constant praise He is receiving from the angels in heaven, and our loved ones that are with Him, worshipping Him. Consider the fact that the world is experiencing "day time" at all times, in other words, just because it's night where I am, doesn't mean it's night all around the world. There isn't even room to say that maybe enough people are sleeping at the same time to make it quiet for God for just a moment. I am praising God for His ability to 1: handle all of that noise without getting crabby, and 2: being able to filter my small cry from all of that noise and respond to me in His loving and infinitely wise way!
As I am trying to find ways to cope with the stress that noise causes me to feel, I am also seeking a way to filter out the important voices in my life. God, of course, is the most important voice in my life. I want to hear Him despite the noise. I also want to hear and respond correctly to my children, even when I'm overwhelmed by the volume in the room or truck. I also want to be able to listen to my friends and respond accordingly.
What things affect your mood? Have you found ways to deal with being overwhelmed, without taking it out on the people around you?
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