Faith or Fear?

2 Timothy 1:6-8 (King James Version)


6 Wherefore I put thee in remembrance that thou stir up the gift of God, which is in thee by the putting on of my hands.

7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

8 Be not thou therefore ashamed of the testimony of our Lord, nor of me his prisoner: but be thou partaker of the afflictions of the gospel according to the power of God;

God has been moving mountains lately and speaking to my heart. He is tearing down walls and stirring me. I want more of Him. I want to live for Him. I want to be fully devoted. Yet, as I get excited in the quiet place, alone with God, I find my excitement gets zapped away to nothing in the "real world".

I walk out of my quiet place and suddenly I don't want to be the weird one. Let me explain!

I feel a deep sense of urgency to lay hands on and pray for people who are sick. Randomly, in public even. Like, people who are coughing, or more profoundly, people in wheel chairs. I cannot count the times I have shrunk away from that urge, left the isle I was on, or even left the store I was in. I mean, really, what would someone think?

My perception of what they would think: Freak. Don't touch me. Get off me. Go away. Crazy. Loon.
I'm certain that they would not only think these things, but shout them. Yell at me. Run me off. So I don't even try. I wonder what God thinks when I do that.

Yet, God doesn't yell. It hurts me to say that I have at times, many of them, found it easier to ignore the quiet voice of God, then to ignore the mere chance that someone might yell at me.

I don't want to live consumed by this fear. I want to go boldly and I want to be a flute. You see, a flute does nothing until someone plays it. Then the wind flows through it and a beautiful sound is emitted. But alone, the flute cannot do this. I want God to play a beautiful melody through me. He created me in just the right way, with just the right talents, for His purposes. Yet, alone, I am nothing. I want Him to send me, and I want His power to flow through me.

I no longer want this complacent, best friend image of Jesus. This image of Jesus too often blurs with what I have experienced in friendship. The watered down, whatever works for you, I won't offend you, please don't offend me, kind of friendship. I want to experience the POWER of Jesus. I want the richness of truth, I want the hard facts. I don't want to go with what "works for me" I want to go with the truth.

Yet, I'm writing this from inside a safe place, sitting behind my computer. This doesn't take much work.

Now I have to ask myself, will I walk out my front door and live in faith or fear?