Baby, it's cold in here!

Brr! My goodness, my parents spoiled me rotten while we were in Colorado. They keep their home warmed to a cozy 78 degrees F. Now, you must bear in mind that the entire time I was in their home I thought it was a bit too hot for my taste. They had a fire place - actually more like a wood burning stove. The thing keeps the house toasty.

Fast forward from our arrival on Thursday morning to our departure on Sunday afternoon, and I was getting used to the warmth. Plus, we spent enough time in the vehicle, making it toasty or cool to our personal preference. Now I'm at home, with my thermostat set at 70 degrees F - and I'm FREEZING. Like, keep the blankets on, heavy socks, sweat pants, and where is my comfy sweater?! I guess I got used to Mom and Dad's "It's too hot in here..." house. While I'm thankful for my electricity, I'd like to install a wood burning stove please. I don't like super high electric bills, plus I try to watch my consumption of resources.

I started a new blog, you should be able to see the link to the right - it's about my journey this year to begin a life of eating smarter, and moving more! :)

Until I write again!

May you have your hearts desire, and may you desire exactly what God wants for you.

Early New Years Resolution!

We are home, and I'm already thinking about 2011. Christmas was fantastic, our trip was wonderful, and I loved seeing my family. I enjoyed my Mom's company, I got to play with my nephew, hang out with my niece, my sister is so lovely, my dad was ornery, and my brother was with us for the first time in years. Not to mention I got to enjoy watching my boys interact with all of them, and their Dad was along with us - which proved most helpful for babysitting and driving! (He was also good company - but I didn't just admit that!)

Health wise, I am struggling. I am not moving around very well, I'm in pain (mostly joint pain), and I am definitely not breathing well. I'm sure the strange weather doesn't help my asthma any, but I'm also certain that the weight I've gained is worse. I weighed myself before we left and was HORRIFIED. I weighed myself tonight... 208.6lbs - I only ever weighed this much one other time, and I was pregnant. Certainly not healthy then, but even worse now. I spent 28 minutes on my Wii Fit - yoga & strength training. I'm going to try to do SOMETHING everyday -whether it's the Wii Fit, the Kinect Dance Central, the Wii Active, or walking, or my exercise ball DVD's, or my walk at home DVD's...any of the above, as long as I get in some form of movement everyday...for close to or more than 30 minutes.

I'm trying to decide if I'm going to dedicate my Monday posts to updating you about my weight loss progress as well as any changes in my eating habits that I make, or if I'm going to start a new blog dedicated to just this journey. A new blog would give me space for lots of recipes, and daily updates about what I'm eating and what exercise I did. Comments?

As for the early resolution: I plan on loosing this excess weight. I should weigh about 145lbs - so I need to loose 63lbs. So long as I loose 1.5lbs EVERY week I will reach my goal weight the end of October 2011. So, 10 months of dedication to loose the weight, and a lifetime of good choices to keep it off. Who's with me?

Another day of traveling!

Unfortunately real life is calling us back, and we are packing to leave as I write this. Well, technically as I write this, I'm writing this and he is packing...but when I finish writing, I'll help too!

It's 9am in Colorado, 10am in Oklahoma, and we should be leaving in about two hours - around 11am Colorado time. We should make it home about 2am Oklahoma time, and hopefully the boys will be willing to sleep longer. I'm going to try to be good and sleep on the trip so when we get home I can rest a bit, but get up with all the kiddos in the morning. Hopefully baby daddy can get some sleep too.

It's been a wonderful Christmas. My brother came out again yesterday, and we had way too much food - and all of it was way too good! I got to meet one of my Mom's friends from church and she is a dear, sweet lady. Definitely a blessing to meet her!

I am enjoying our view of the mountains, and the mild weather. It's not been terribly cold this weekend, which always makes me happy. I've looked at some rental ads, been asking about churches, talked to my parents about boarding my horse, and now it's time for a waiting game. We have to see how things go in January, financially speaking, and try to complete a plan to move - once we have a plan, and a reasonable way to execute it, I think we may really move back this time.
I need roots though - so if we move it has to be permanent, I do NOT like the thought of moving around, at all. I have never liked moving around, and it seems like we've moved around a lot. Moving definitely frustrates me. That's part of why I am still in my apartment, I thought about moving when my lease was up, but I don't want to move.

Well, it's time for me to start packing again, and the computer needs to get tucked away to go home with me!

Until tomorrow, hopefully!

Merry Christmas!

It's midnight, so it's officially Christmas, and I am so thankful for all of my many blessings this year.
I just successfully made divinity for the first time ever. To make an exciting kitchen experience even better - my Mom gave me my Grammie's recipe for divinity...and I did it right. Mom loved it and I'm feeling like the queen of the kitchen at the moment!!
My brother was here for Christmas...this is the first time I've seen him in 4 years - the last time I saw him Asher was just about 8 months old. We spent some time with my family in October of 2006 - and that was the last time I saw my brother until this Christmas. It was wonderful to see him - and he will be back again tomorrow! My heart is full!
My boys got completely spoiled rotten - they received so many wonderful gifts and they are enjoying their family. Today Isaiah told the cashier at Walmart that he wasn't my mom's grandson, he was just his other Grandma's grandson. They are so funny!
Asher wants to play with Charlie all the time, and Isaiah spent the afternoon trying to open Caedin's gifts for him. It was so wonderful to spend my nephew's first Christmas with him! He is such a cutie and such a sweet boy.
I am reminded of the love of Christ and the forgiveness He offers and teaches us to offer. The snoozing man on my couch - yes, my ex husband....whom is quickly becoming one of my best friends....is here too. My family has been warm, welcoming, and loving toward him. They have accepted him as always, given him gifts, and been easy to be around. It doesn't get any better than that.

I challenge you to recognize the intangible gifts that you have received this year, and let God speak to your heart about the good things you have. Remember the forgiveness that Christ was born to offer you and me, and the forgiveness He's calling you to offer to all of the people in your life.

Merry Christmas to all and to all a blessed night!

Vacation & Volcanos!

Merry Christmas Eve!

We are spending the holiday with my family in Colorado and I am very happy to be here. We drove Wednesday night, started abotu 8:30pm, and arrived Thursday morning about 11am. It was a great drive - I crocheted all but 3 hours (and during those 3 hours, I SLEPT!)

I wrote up a blog post on my phone, sent it to the blog, and it never showed up, so thanks to that glitch I am officially 3 days behind on this blogging thing. :(

Ah well, I'll count it as a hiccup and we will move forward.

My youngest was thrilled to reach the Volcanos, and he asked all about them! We tried to convince him that they were not volcanos, we were indeed looking at and driving up the mountains. He wouldn't hear it. He wanted to drive UP the side of the volcanos - and he wouldn't believe us that the road we were on was cut into the side of the mountain.

We made it safe and sound, and it's time to get out and see the town and do some shopping!

Christmas Traditions

Hey everybody, I missed last night - I was dog tired, and we ended up staying up late to let the boys open one present each - I got some great pictures! It was very worth it!

I've been thinking about Christmas Traditions - and I started feeling like we don't really have any. I found myself wanted to wake up at "home" on Christmas morning, to start having traditions...odd isn't it? Well, I realized through all of my thinking about it that we do have some traditions, and they are very dear to my heart.

Our first one is pajamas! The boys gets new pajamas on Christmas Eve every year! This makes for the best pictures (because the PJ's fit, and are not worn out in any way!! :) ) and it is fun. I was wanting to sew pajamas this year, but unfortunately I didn't get a sewing machine like I wanted to. (I did, however get a DLSR camera, so I am NOT complaining! LOL)

Second: We always do something to help another family enjoy Christmas. We usually do something through our church, but whatever the face or form of it, we always find someone else to help - generally anonymously, and I love this. This is one of those things that always makes my heart happy!!

Third: Luke, chapter 2! We read this every year on Christmas morning, before we unwrap any presents. I love to use this story to talk to my children about what a gift Jesus was and is to us, and about the gifts given to Jesus.

Fourth: For the last couple years we've spent Christmas day in Colorado with my Mom & Dad & Sister. This year we will be celebrating my nephew's first Christmas, and my brother will also be with us!

We do have some fun traditions, and I thoroughly enjoy this time of year. We give our kids stockings, but Santa doesn't visit. We have many reasons for this, maybe I'll post again tonight with a "No Santa? Why Not?" and explain this further....we shall see!

I'd love to hear about your Christmas traditions, don't hesitate to leave your comments below!!

Good times!

Ahhh! I am technically an hour late for a Saturday night blog post, but I'm going to count this one as it anyway - and I'll blog again Sunday evening so that I ddin't miss a day!!

I went out tonight with one of my neighbor friends, and we really had a great time. I needed the break and the time away, I've been about ready to explode the last couple of days. I'm having a hard time transitioning from being a stay at home mom to working mom, now back to stay at home mom. I am also having a hard time living with my ex.

He said something to me some nights ago, and I keep thinking about it. He said he'll always be the (beep) that left me, that ruined my life. Even if we ever started over, he could never fully be my husband, with good things to say. He would always be my (beep) ex, who made some changes so I married him again.

I know he is mostly right. I know that's how I am about it, because I was deeply wounded by the whole situation that brought us to a divorce. It's all ugly in my head, and I hate it. I can't get over how badly I never wanted a divorce enough to give him another chance, and I can't get over the fact that we are divorced. I'm stuck. I'm angry. My life was not supposed to look like this. Now I have the chance to live into being a stay at home, homeschooling, full time, dedicated Mom, and I don't trust him.

I am sick to my stomach at the lack of control I have over whether the bills get paid. I am angry that he is here all the time and I feel uncomfortable in my own home. I am also nosey about his life and what he is doing, and who he is talking to. I don't like feeling like there is something going on behind my back.

I honestly found myself wishing he would just get back together with his girlfriend so I could go on with my life. It's a weird thing to wish, but I am okay on my own. I'm not even looking for someone to date, or a relationship. I am usually content. I get lonely sometimes, but I am so burned by what's happened over the last 18 months that I see things skewed enough that I know if someone paid me a healthy dish of attention I wouldn't handle it well (or right).

So, I'm sitting here on the end of my couch, while my ex sleeps on the curve of the couch, knowing that I need to find true, deep forgiveness. I've learned to not pick fights, and I know the silence drives him nuts most of the time, but I need to keep my mouth shut, and I'm comfortable in that. I'm getting a little bit better at considering him and his feelings. I know I am growing. I also know that I haven't forgiven him like I need to, and I know it will hinder my growth. I know it will hinder my relationship with God, and it will hinder my relationships with my kids. No good can come from allowing bitterness, anger, hurt, resentment and blame to rest, grow, and be part of my life.

I know you'll read this "ex" - and know that this post requires, nor requests, any action on your part. This is about me, and my struggles, and the growth happening in my own life.

Snoozer's

Am I the only one that gets completely irritated when there is a man lying on the couch, mostly sleeping or grumbling at the kids that are playing, because he's not at work? For one reason or another, he's home today, and he's just sleeping? On the couch. Grumbling at the kids every single time they jump on him. Draining away my motivation to do anything, because I just want to be sleeping too?! Am I all alone in this frustration? Please tell me I'm not.




Now let me add one more detail...that at the moment seems so relevant. The man, on my couch, several mornings of the week, is my ex-husband. He's on workman's comp for a back injury – so it's not like he's just not working. He can't, and he's in pain. Yet, somehow, him snoring on my couch, or snoozing even when he's not snoring, is the most aggravating thing about my mornings. It grates on my nerves and causes my veins to boil. It also got me thinking...



How many times the last year has God looked over at me, ready to whisper a truth I needed, or a truth He desired for me to speak to someone that needed it, and I was snoozing? How many times was I grumbling, groggily, at the people in my life, when He needed my light to shine?


Wait, there's more.



The question. That one question, of all of questions, that truly makes me want to throw something at “the man on my couch”. “What needs to be done?” he asks. My jaw drops and my brain explodes every time. If you can't see that the floor in the kitchen needs swept and mopped, there are dirty dishes, laundry to be taken care of, lunch to be fixed, dog poop to clean up (from the yard!), toys to be picked up, vacuuming to be done, etc. then you need new eyes. And a dose of compassion from someone else because of what I'm about to do to you for asking that completely obnoxious, RIDICULOUS question.



Yet, how many divine appointments did I miss because I was sitting in the wrong waiting room, simply wanting to ask “What needs to be done?” - let me qualify this. We need to be prayerful devoted to seeking God's will for our life, each and every day. However, there are obvious things we can do to help the people around us, and I think sometime we overlook “small” tasks, waiting for God to lay down the master plan...yet God is waiting to lay down the master plan because He wants us to be devoted to the “small” tasks.



So, I'm going to count to ten, take a deep breath, get motivated, and stop snoozing through the God-whispers in my life, and try to be more patient with the snoozer in my life!

A jumbled mess of thoughts!

I'm excited to be here for Day 2 - which is actually my third day IN A ROW blogging - and I have no idea what to write about. I thought about something on the way home, and it was particularly brilliant, and now I have no idea what it even was.

I took my two boys out to see Tangled - which was a decent movie, cute, not any vulgar language that I really noticed, and the characters remained fully clothed - which is a huge deal to me. I truly believe it is my duty to protect my boys' minds from sexual imagery that will leaving a lasting imprint on their brains. I feel like I fight this fight alone, but it's worth it to me. I want them to respect women, and especially their wives, in a counter culteral way! I want this respect to include their young lives, and the things they see with their eyes, hear with their ears, and speak about. I want them to understand that the damage done by sexual immorality isn't just done to themselves. It affects their relationships - and especially their relationship with their wife.

Now, I understand, my boys are very young, and they aren't getting married anytime soon - but this is when it starts. This is when it has to be important, or it never will be.

As I'm writing this, my oldest is reading his Bible, and my youngest is "reading" 365 Bible stories for bedtime. I feel a huge sense of peace about this, and I'm watching them, and thinking I should get out my Bible too, it's about time for a good, truthful life-shaping story that will grow me into the Mom they need me to be...the Mom that God is calling me to be...

Day 1: Realizations...

I made it back for my official Day 1!

WOW! I'm proud of me. :) I've realized some stuff lately. Such as:

Some things are final, no matter how many doubts you occassionally have.

I love to do all things cooking and baking, aside from cleaning up after myself.
        I am currently obsessed with new recipes and making fun lunches and dinners and desserts. On my stove, being eaten faster than it should be, is a whole wheat, chocolate tex-mex cake. MMMMM. Homemade, from scratch, icing too...and it is bomb.

My life will go on no matter what, or who, hurts me, leaves me, loves me, likes me, hangs with me, doesn't hang with me, etc. God is my portion, and I want to settle into that truth deeper over the last days of this year, and the rest of my life.

I will get annoyed. I will get frustrated. It is not my sworn duty to annoy and frustrate everyone around me just because I'm in a bad mood. It is my duty to actually NOT do those exact things, and to exercise some self control and restraint.

My kids aren't going to think very highly of me in a few years when they realize I'm crabby and yell all the time. I need to find my joy in Jesus and be a calmer, quieter Momma, who takes the time to recognize their intention, while calmly, respectfully correcting their actions.

If there is nothing else that comes from blogging daily, I've already come to realize that I will gain a deeper understanding of myself, my relationships with others, and my world. Maybe tomorrow I'll include a photo with my blog- afterall, I am loving my new camera! :)

Super Mom: Enter!

Ah, she never shows up on cue. But lately I've been feeling more super as a mom then I had been. I've been baking and cooking all kinds of fun things - the boys are truly enjoying the homecooked food and so am I. It's nice to be eating something that wasn't prepackaged and frozen. Don't get me wrong, I love to fill my freezer with frozen homemade casseroles, but I get tired of TV dinners and chicken nuggets. So do my kids.

For snack today I cut up some apples and bananas, drizzled with honey, mixed in some greek yogurt, and served. No one had anything left in their bowls, and I had to wash their faces from licking the bowls out.

Before snack, I made a tex-mex chocolate cake. Homemade, from scratch, tex-mex chocolate cake, with homemade chocolate frosting. I can't wait to try it - it's a small group thing.

I also put together a bunch of curriculum for the boys, of which they are always happy to engage in. I found a book I bought at church early this year...a study in Phillipians. I think I'm going to start that book, and I'm also thinking I want to start a 30 day blogging challenge.

I love to write, and when I start, I usually have so many things I want to write about that I stop writing because I get very very overwhelmed by all of my ideas!

So, today is the start...but I'm going to count tomorrow as Day 1.