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New post: http://perceptionsby1.wordpress.com/2011/05/23/let-the-editing-begin/

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Due to some new information, and finding what works better for me, you can now find my blog here:

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I've even imported all of my previous posts to the new address, so you can continue to enjoy all of my content.

Thank you!

Surviving or Thriving?

Every so often I step back and evaluate how my journey as a mom is going. One of the big things I like to ask myself is: Am I surviving, or am I thriving? (I evaluate my kids, and ask this same question about how they are doing, but for this post, I want to examine my heart and mind.)

As I have been evaluating myself this last week, my conclusion is this: I’m surviving. The tell tale signs:

1. I don’t wake my kids up. In fact, if they’ll sleep until 11am, they won’t hear a word from me about it. 8 or 8:30pm is still bedtime, and the more peace I get in the morning, the better off I am.
2. Breakfast and Lunch are the same meal. Usually cereal. Then we do a little school, then I offer some sort of snack (usually fruit) and beg my children to go have a quiet time. (Who wakes up at 11am and needs a quiet time by 1pm?!)
3. I would burn down my husband’s bedroom door with my evil stares if I could. Abandoning the household to go hide in your bedroom the moment you walk in the front door is more than infuriating. You want time to yourself? Get up at 4am like I do, instead of letting your alarm go off for an entire hour, therefore throwing off my rhythm and writing time. Yes, I can still hear your alarm when I close my door, and I don’t think it’s fair.

I could add to this list, and complain a lot more about the mess my house is in, the amount of dishes that pile up, the laundry that needs to be hung up and put away, etc. And all of this complaining is a clear indicator that I am surviving parenthood right now. Thankfully, having learned to ask myself this question, I have a few things I know work to get me back on track toward surviving.

1.      Make a schedule. Decide when to wake the kids up (10:45 is not early enough…) get them up, feed them breakfast as it’s own meal, different from lunch, and at a much earlier time.

2.      Following breakfast, we start on school. I always feel better about the day when we have school completed by Noon, can eat lunch, have a 1pm quiet time, and free play for the afternoon.

3.      Turn off the TV. We added cable to our home for a minute, and decided yesterday that the cable goes. Hubby will be making that phone call tonight. It is a waste of time, and it makes it really easy for me to be lazy with the boys. And they’ve morphed into super-monsters that demand to be entertained by the talking box ALL day. Yuck. We’ll go back to our DVD’s and keep them limited at that.

4.      Give up some me time. Like, from 8am to 11am. I still get up at 4am. From 4 to 8, I’m on my own, writing, or wasting time on Facebook, or reading other blogs, or whatever it is I decide to do. That is my time. 4 hours of my own time. The only interruption is when hubby wakes up he has to notify me, and when my coffee cup is empty, I must refill it. I’ve decided that’s good for my circulation though, so getting up to walk to the kitchen is probably a health benefit more than an interruption.

So, it’s 6am. In two hours, I’m going to wake my kids up, and I think I’ll scramble some eggs and peel some oranges for breakfast. The first few days without cable, and waking them up early will be the roughest, but as I reinforce my desire to be intentional as a parent, I will watch my children thrive. And that is what I want far more than teaching them to be lazy.

What do you do to stay on track as a parent? Do you notice that sometimes it’s easy to fall into a “lazy” routine? How do you fix it? Are you thriving, or surviving?

Discovering and Utilizing My Elements

I've been trying, since the whole ventilator thing in January, to discover my passions and to separate them from my interests. More simply: There are things I am merely interested in, and things I am genuinely passionate about.


In searching, I've discovered I have two elements, and they battle for my time, attention, and energy.

Element #1: Children.

Mine, others, all of 'em. I love kids, I love teaching kids. I love being surrounded by their silly conversations, their laughter, and their smiles. I am opening a home daycare once again, because I truly am "in my element" when surrounded by kids. That's part of the reason I love homeschooling!

Element #2: Writing

I cannot stress how much I love and need to write. I start feeling weird if I don't spend some time on it every day. It's like my brain backlogs, over fills, floods, and gets compressed under all the information. Then, when I spend some time writing, I decompress, relax, open the floodgates and relieve the pressure. Emotionally and mentally, I need to write. I love it, it is a driving force unlike any I've ever known. It wakes me up at 3 AM, keeps me up at night, and could easily occupy my day if my first element wasn't already doing so.

These two elements, at times, feel like polar opposites. Not that kids aren't great inspiration for writing, but when I have kids around there is no writing. I know, because I've tried. But they require my attention and focus in a way that I cannot offer when I am writing. Because when I am writing, I am in another time and place all together. So, I will continue to grow in my elements. I will stop trying to blend writing into my "kid" element, although my kid element provides lots of fuel for my writing element.

I will also try to be intentional about seeking God, and His plan, for both elements.

What is your element and how are you living into and growing the potential of your element? How long did it take you to discover your element?

  

What my day has looked like so far:

6:00AM - I got up, and began sorting pictures on my computer. It was running sluggish until I removed 5 gigs worth of photos from it. Thank goodness for discs!

7:00AM - IT got up and wanted to watch Little Einsteins. I gave in.

8:00AM - IT wanted me to watch Little Einsteins with him. I gave in, thinking that AT would be up soon and we'd get some school work done.

11:00AM - AT woke up, started playing Little Einsteins again, because IT and I had fallen asleep. The TV coming back on woke up IT and I.

Noon - We left the house for the ATM, gas station, bank, ATM, and came back home.

1:45PM - We arrived home. I printed our spelling worksheets.

2:00PM - I let AT post another blog post. (http://zaymole3.blogspot.com/2011/05/target.html) (Yes, this is a little homeschooling project that my 5 year old wanted to do. I agreed. I get a lot of weird looks and comments when I admit that.)

2:20PM - I'm finishing this post, and we are going to go do school. And I secretly hope it's one of those super smooth days where we knock the work out and can get back to doing....all of this nothing that we've been doing.

When people look at me and ask how exactly I home school and keep up with it, my first thought is always something like "You should see how late I sleep some days!" Now, granted. I'm a writer that gets up at 4:00AM about 5 days a week, so I can work on my novel, but sometimes I get to nap from 7am-9am before the boys get up. That, my friend, is how I do it. I go to bed at 9pm, I get up at 4am, I nap from 7am-9am, then we start our day. And some days, we don't start school until 2pm, because that's just how it goes.

Oh, and my husband comes home and cleans the house. Because I am realizing that I just don't do so great at that. I pretty much just don't worry about it. And he walks in and screams like a lady (a poor lady scream, as Megamind would put it) and he vacuums, and gets the boys busy picking up all of their toys, and he cleans up after me. And he reminds me to switch the laundry (or he just does it!)

So, I don't do it alone. I don't do it precisely. I don't do it perfectly. I don't do it at the same time every day. Some days I don't feel like doing it. Some days go better than others. Some days I have no patience, and I make those days free play, and I highly encourage my kids to spend the day in the backyard or their bedroom. Other days, I'm in the groove, and I jump out of bed (or my writing corner) full of energy, I hunt my kids down, and drag them exuberantly off on some adventure. Sometimes they come willingly, and sometimes they are kicking and screaming the whole way.

This is just kinda how it goes around here! And we love it (usually)!

Guest Post featuring Chuck Burns

(I'd like to welcome my first guest blogger! Thank you for your post today, Chuck!

Here's a scripture reference I'm including, per Chuck's permission:
John 2:14-18 (King James Version)

And found in the temple those that sold oxen and sheep and doves, and the changers of money sitting: And when he had made a scourge of small cords, he drove them all out of the temple, and the sheep, and the oxen; and poured out the changers' money, and overthrew the tables; And said unto them that sold doves, Take these things hence; make not my Father's house an house of merchandise. And his disciples remembered that it was written, The zeal of thine house hath eaten me up. Then answered the Jews and said unto him, What sign shewest thou unto us, seeing that thou doest these things?)

Generally, when most people think of Christians, they see loud, passionate
people, clutching their Bibles, and shouting about sin, morality, and whatnot.
When those same people think of Libertarians, they see dope-smoking hippies,
saying "yea man, do whatever you want, it's all cool man." By the end of this
article, you will be able to understand how these two seemingly different
groups of people can, indeed, be one in the same.

These two completely different groups of people, are the perception that most
in the mass media have of each group, and it's the image they project onto
their viewers. What they fail to consider is this: me, and people like me.
We're proud of our Christianity, we just don't stand on the street corner and
tell every passerby they're going to burn. We believe in freedom of choice,
as long as that choice does not interfere with another person's freedoms.

I have some Christian friends, and family, who really don't quite understand
it all. Let me lay it all out, plain and simple. Jesus taught several
principles, but his underlying teaching was personal choice. You either chose
to follow him, or you didn't. No laws, no government saying "These are things
you must do." None of that. "Follow me, listen to my tales, and learn from
me." Jesus Christ did not enter government service. He was not born into
politics, and then pass laws requiring this and that.

What did He do when he came upon the money-changers in the temple? He made
them leave. He did NOT tell them to completely stop doing it, nor did he try
to implement laws to make their practice illegal. He simply said "This is my
Father's house, and you will not do that here." Think of the significance of
that act. He showed his displeasure, and removed them from his Father's
house. That was his right to do so.

Consider the prostitute who approached him, He blessed her after she repented
for her sins. But did He then try to make prostitution illegal?

Your morality is your own, society does not become depraved because of a lack
of laws, but by a lack of morals, and you simply cannot legislate morality.
Oh sure, you can pass laws banning this, that, and the other thing. But those
things still continue, and our government wastes precious resources on
policing crimes that have no victims other than the criminal. In most cases,
you are supposed to incarcerate the criminal, and give counseling, thoughts
and prayers to the victim. What if these two are the same person?

We will be tempted, and we will sometimes fall. Do we, as Christians, punish
others as they fall, or try to help them back up?

Judge ye not, lest ye be judged. People can do evil things to themselves, and
to others. Libertarians only stop them from doing the second. Morality is
not forcing your own morality on others. We should look at someone doing
something against our Christian beliefs, and tell them "I pray for you,
brother/sister." Not look at them and say "I see you doing that, but minding
your own business, so I'm calling the cops to have you arrested for it!"

Remember that, the next time you hear someone trying to put a square peg like
me, into a round hole.
-------
Chuck Burns, is the main high-tech redneck, at The Southern Libertarian.
He blogs about politics, liberty, and freedom.

Rely on Interpretation

In the business of writing and photography I rely on interpretation. This is daunting at times, because just when I strike the perfect moment in literary genius, write it up and send it to a trusted critique partner, I often learn that my meaning was understood by them much differently than it played through my mind. This is less frequently an issue with photography. Although it's happened - I take that priceless shot, thinking it speaks volumes, only to have it fall flat on it's face in the eyes of a different viewer.

My hubby tells me drawing and painting is much like writing in the realms of interpretation.

So how do I combat this? Well, I generally begin boring, lengthy descriptions that lack the necessary feel to drive a reader to continue turning pages. I am learning; however, that less is more. I keep asking myself, "does the way my MC (main character) is feeling/responding reveal something about her character?" if it doesn't, I re-write. This seems to be helping my readers interpret what I'm writing in a way similar to what I intended.

Yet, there's a catch. We have all walked through stuff, junk, and messes in our life. We have all had blessings, no matter how big or small. Those things affect how we perceive and interpret the actions and feelings of characters that live in the pages of our favorite novels.

Jon Acuff blogged an amazing blog tip that I think applies in small ways to novels, as well. (You can find his post here: http://www.jonacuff.com/blog/a-blog-secret-from-michael-scott-and-the-office/)

So, maybe I'll create the outline, and let the readers color in the pages.

Do you think your life "stuff" affects your interpretation of someone else's work? Why or why not?

Let's Celebrate!

Wow! We've hit 2000 views and I am feeling really excited right now. I wish I had something to give away! LOL Thank you for taking time from your day to read what I write - you have blessed me beyond measure! This little blog is like one of my babies, well kind of anyway. It's a pet project that has grown exponentially since January. I love the platform it provides for my opinion and the fact that you read it means the world to me!

To all of my followers and fans, I <3 you! :) Thank you!

The Battle of Health vs. Opinion

The Battle of Health vs. Opinion

Some of you may already know that I am struggling with my weight. I weighed myself for the first time since we moved. It had been 48 days since the last time I weighed in. (That's the convenience of using a Wii as your scale, it tracks everything. It even makes comments about how much weight you've gained (or lost, I would assume, don't know though) when you use it.) I was horrified by the number. It wasn't pretty. I'm 65 lbs OVER my target weight. 65 pounds?!? How did that ever happen to ME? I was the skinny one. I was the one that could eat a full size burrito at lunch, bacon cheeseburger for dinner, a tub of Ben & Jerry's before bed, get up and do it all again, and never gain a pound. Well, I did some stuff that messed up my metabolism. Plus, I am no longer riding horses on a nearly daily basis. Or running around all over the valley chasing my friends and boys. I am a stay at home Mom (oh yeah, pregnancy didn't help! LOL) and I tend to snack too much.

The first part of this year I went to the hospital for severe asthma, and was put on a ventilator. I truly believed I was going to die. I am both thankful to be here with my kids and disappointed that I didn't get to go Home. When I woke up, got the ventilator removed, and started eating again, I vowed to lose the weight. I vowed to exercise. I wasn't going to live in an unhealthy manner any more. My life had been spared, and I was going to make it the best life possible.

Don't get me wrong, some changes I've made have stuck. I get up at 4:00 am to write, because I've realized how passionate I am about writing. (And I'm about 30 pages from finishing the first draft of my first novel!!) I weeded through my life to find out what I was passionate about and what I was merely interested in. I'm opening a home daycare again, because I truly love the joy that children bring into life. I love teaching, leading, guiding, and loving on all these little guys and gals.

But the changes to my diet and exercise routine didn't stick. In January, after I got home and once I was able to move around more I started in on the Wii, doing the step aerobics, and increased my length of time from thirty minutes to an hour. I started planning my food, and cut back calories, and was moving in the right track. I even cut out fast food! It was great. Then the big move happened and I allowed us to grab fast food a few times because it was either really late to cook dinner, we didn't have the pots and pans yet, we had pots and pans and forgot to bring the food, etc. Moving sucks! LOL

Well, we are all moved in. Have been since April 1st. Guess what? I've not been working out, I've not been eating right. Then I looked at myself in the mirror. I want to have my un-hubby take some pictures of me for my FB fan page (that I'm about to start) and for the blog, and for the book cover, but not like this. I want that 65lbs gone. Yet, it won't melt off the night before pictures. I need to start working on it.

Then some words I said to un-hubby when I was being mean came back to haunt me.

"If you didn't change when your health hung in the mix, you aren't going to change because your opinion is hanging now."

Whoa.

So true.

And my health is suffering. So, I'm pulling out "Made to Crave" by Lysa Terkheurst and reading it again. I'm going to start small. Cut back on sugar, not go back for seconds, eat a salad for lunch every day. I did really good with my selections at the store last night. Plus, I'm going to make myself fit in 30 minutes of exercise. I wish my asthma didn't get in the way of bike riding - cause I'd start riding for 30 minutes a day. Maybe I'll start with ten minutes on the bike and build up. Use the other 20 minutes doing something a bit lighter....

Do you struggle with eating right? Exercise? How do you combat this struggle?

The Micro Garden

I think, aside from apartment window planters, my sons and I have planted the smallest garden ever. We planted corn, carrots, and green beans. We are also trying to get a melon patch turned and ready for seeds. We will have cantaloupe, watermelon and pumpkin in the melon patch. When the melon patch is planted the garden will no longer qualify as micro, but for the moment, it does.

The grown boy is concerned about the dog eating the plants.

The children beg to see the plants everyday - and are dismayed that in two days, we don't already have corn to eat.

I am determined to rototill a large portion of our backyard, fence it off, rototill it again with some good compost, and let it sit all winter. Then, come spring, I will rototill it again with a little more compost, and I will start all of my little plants in either the garage with grow lights or the dining room. I think having a daycare open in my home will require me to use grow lights in the garage. We shall see.

My long term goal: 10 acres, chickens, lambs, goats, my horse, and a large enough garden to make us a minimum of 60% food self-sufficient. A lofty goal, yes. A worthwhile and attainable goal? Yes!

Are you gardening this year? What have you planted? What made you realize you wanted to grow your own food?

Weighing Sin

I've been considering for the way we qualify and quantify sin. I believe that God sees justice, and sin, and eternity in a way that I am not capable of fully understanding. Knowing that I am a sinner, in need of grace, causes me to justify myself by lessening my own sins. I make my sins seem a lot less significant by looking at the people in this world that are considered bad. At least I didn't: rape, kill, torture, victimize, etc. Right?

That makes me better, right?

Humanly, I'd like to think so. But, when I consider the sin that marks the fall of man, I have to wonder if this is all a human attempt at justifying myself. They ate a piece of fruit from a tree. Okay. Let me say that again. All they did was eat a piece of fruit from a tree. You remember them, right? Adam and Eve, enjoying the lush, perfect Garden of Eden, and freely enjoying the presence of God. Those two? That had the life, the people we say "Why'd you do that guys?? Come on, life would be so much better now if you hadn't eaten the fruit."

But we're talking about eating a piece of fruit. Like, I can't minimize that enough. On one hand, we have murder, on the other fruit. But their sin separated them from God, caused them to be cast from the garden, and changed things for all of mankind.

Are you following me? If we think about sin as disobedience - as making the wrong choice - and realize that God takes all disobedience in the same seriousness, then my sin is no less wrong than anyone else's. I don't get a different dose of grace. I don't get a teaspoon instead of a tablespoon. I get grace. The debt (which is death) for my sins, paid in full, by the precious blood of Jesus.

As I picture myself, kneeling before the throne of God, I cannot imagine trying to give God my justifications. My, "ands, ifs, buts," about my life. I cannot fathom trying to tell the Creator of Justice, the Author of Mercy, the Giver of Grace, that I didn't do "too bad" - that I was better than another of His creation. I am thankful for the gift of life, for the price that Christ paid for me. On that day, when I am brought forward to be judged, I will keep my mouth shut and let my Redeemer speak for me. Because I don't have the eloquence of words it would take to redeem myself.

Focus, Focus.

I am lacking all focus today. This week, actually. I get started on one project and am suddenly derailed by another. Point in case: 15 minutes ago I started working on the laundry. Now I am blogging. I actually sat down to jot down some ideas I just had for a novel I'm going to write. The boys are happily enjoying the sunshine and dirt that the backyard so readily provides. I am awaiting the arrival of my un-husband. We are going to grill salmon for dinner tonight, which means I should start the brown rice soon (that stuff takes forever.)

I've spent about 60% of my time today working on blogging-things. Like, finding guest bloggers to add some content and variety to my blog. Like, reading about SEO and what that means for me. I've also worked on learning how to use a social deck. Hashtags, retweets, social deck, SEO, my head might explode.

As I'm working on learning how to expand my online platform, I am writing a novel, opening a home daycare, and homeschooling two boys. Sometimes I wonder if I'm crazy, and I'm pretty sure that I am. Yet, my life seems so great right now, I can't imagine it getting any better. I am filled to be emptied again, and I am thanking God for all that is going on in my life.

Guess I'll get back to that laundry, or maybe I'll get sidetracked doing something else on the way....

90wpm

I've spent most of my life proud of the fact that I can type 90 words per minute. Recently; however, I've learned something about that accomplishment. It is insignificant when it comes to writing. Especially character building for a novel. Just because I can type 90 words a minute, does not mean I can churn out page after page every time I sit down. My fingers working 90 words a minute, does not make the process of churning the information out any faster. Some days, it is slow going. It is like sitting in a crowded room, trying to hear the details of someone else's life, as they talk to me amidst the noise. I have to filter out the noise to listen, and some days that is a slow, painful process. Sometimes, digging through this stuff from deep within myself takes much more work than just typing 90 words a minute. So, now I think I shall consider typing so fast a small thing compared to the work of creating a character, complete with a personality, and filling page after page with information about her life.

A little late...

So, everyone is posting about Osama Bin Laden's death today, and I'm a little slow the race. Granted, I was up at 4 this morning, and should have had plenty of time to post early. But, I'm always a bit behind on the news, and by the time I saw a report about his death, I had wrapped up my morning writing time.

Besides, what can I add or say that isn't already being said?

Oh yeah, and I'm afraid to be controversial, I know, I know. Readers love controversy. But I don't like to stir the pot. But after thinking and thinking, I do have a thought.

How is the sanctity of one life any different than that of another life? Would it have not been a far greater victory that the leader of a terrorist organization came to Christ and lead some of his followers to a righteous standing with God?

I don't know God's plan, but maybe, somewhere, in the heart of someone that could reach that man, God was preparing a way. Maybe God was readying a heart and a person to have the courage to speak to Osama about Christ's love, mercy, forgiveness. Maybe his message would have changed from terror to transformation?

We will never know now, and my questions will remain unanswered. I have to say I am pleasantly surprised by the number of my friends that recognize that today America is celebrating a death.

No, I am not anti-American. I support our troops - especially knowing that they are following orders from higher ups. I just think our focus is skewed. It seems as though the focus of our prayers and thanks are not in line with what God is thinking or hoping for.

Romans 3:22-24
This righteousness is given through faith inⁿJesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference between Jew and Gentile, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.

Guess I'll finish that other controversial post I've been working on...it goes right along with this.

Please comment, share your thoughts. Where do you stand? Should we be celebrating this death as a victory?

A Glimpse into the Heart of God

I've embarked on a journey that has been unlike any journey I've ever taken before. I've decided to write a novel, and this time, I've stuck with it. This isn't my first attempt, but this attempt has carried me further than any attempt before it. This morning, after writing 19 pages in my book, I've stopped to reflect. I had this profound thought and I just have to share it. What if, as a writer, I get a small glimpse into the heart of God when developing my characters. Now, I know that God is truly omniscient, which is a huge thought and hard to wrap my brain around. Yet, for a moment, when I'm creating a world and characters to populate it, I get a small sense of what it would be like to be omniscient. And yet, my characters surprise me. This is a deeply personal thing to share with you, because even I know that it may sound a bit crazy. Yet, they take on this form of their own, and when they jump off the pages and shake me by the collar, telling me that I got a scene wrong, I wonder if we surprise God. The surprises would be much the same, because everything about my characters, I crafted. Every surprise they present me with came from deep within myself. Is it the same with God? Is that what makes our relationship with Him personal? He is Creator, and He knows me better than I even know myself, yet I have paused to wonder, do we, in small ways, surprise him? All that we are comes from deep within Him, created by Him, but when we display our character and personality, does He sometimes smile and chuckle a little at who we are? Is this process of getting to know God a two way street in which He is getting to know us? I've always considered that God knows all about me, which is true, but maybe, just maybe, He is getting to know me. It's like the subtle, yet vast, difference between knowing about God by knowledge of scripture, and actually knowing Him.

Do you think God already knows everything about us and that we are incapable of surprising Him? Or do you think, just as our own humanly creations occasionally surprise us, we get the opportunity to pleasantly surprise our Creator?

I've been identifying with the wrong generation.

I have a confession to make. This may come as a shock to some of you. I have been listening to my friends play the "80's" station and while I occasionally recognize some of the songs to be ones my dad really liked, it isn't music I identified with. I could sing along, but I rarely, if ever, heard a favorite on the "80's" station. This has been bothering me. I spent all of my money on music at one point in my life, and I can't fathom why I don't recognize more of it, or identify with it. Or stroll down memory lane remembering that sleep over with that friend where we listened to that single all night long. Why doesn't hearing the "80's" station do this for me?!

Because I've been identifying with the wrong generation.

Yep, that's right. I forget that I tend to hang with people that are a few years older than me. I was introduced to the world just a few years before the "80's" went out. So, in exploring all of the channels on TV (since we now subscribe to services...), I found all of the music channels. My first thought? Put on the "80's" like my friends. Yet, I again was not getting into it. So I tried something new. I listened to the "90's" and wouldn't you know it? I recognized almost every song they played, recalled owning a high percentage of CD's that played that very same music, and even remembered listening to a song all night with a friend.

So, for however brief of a moment, I'm reminded that I'm only in my twenties. Better than being reminded about my age, is being reminded that I grew up with some favorites and things, and I can identify with a generation.

What generation do you identify with? Have you always been aware of your generational identity or did you have a striking epiphany one day?