Equipped

Or rather ill-equipped is how I am feeling right now. I am at a loss for words to comfort a friend, and I'm feeling like I'm just not equipped for the things I've been given. I want to do it all, be all, see all, experience all, and at the end of the day, I'm usually left feeling like I missed something big. Should have said something more. Should have....would have....could have...and I'm thinking that I'm just not the right fit.

Have you ever felt that way? Cause I look around at the people in my life and for the most part, everyone has it together. I envision perfectly serene homeschooling days, super spotless homes, warm, nutritious meals three times a day, and two balanced snacks between meals. I see early risers making sure to clean and do dishes before the day begins. Those same early risers then stay up until the wee hours of the night making, baking, building, preparing, planning, cutting, crafting, creating, sewing, etc. to start all over and rise early and run this perfect home.

And I stand with my head tilted to the side, and begin blaming myself for being lazy, not planning, not doing, not preparing, not forcing my sleepy self out of bed, for all of the things I get impatient about. For all of the times the dishes sit. For all of the laundry that's not where it belongs yet, whether it be clean or dirty. I look at my house and want to organize it, yet, I've run out of places to put things because I don't have much room for bookshelves in my apartment.

Today I was praying. And crying. I wanted to know what I'd been doing wrong and why God picked me for something. I am completely ill-equipped to be helpful. No way to share understanding, no way to relate. No experience to draw from. No words to say. No advice to give. No answers. Nothing. I have nothing. And you know what? I think that's the beauty of it.

I think, after being frustrated and angry that I couldn't DO more, when I finally let God's words sink in, He wasn't calling me to DO...just to be. To listen. To love.

Sometimes words of wisdom and advice are necessary, yet other times, no words can help, just a friend who will listen can. Oh how this is a hard lesson for me! I am a talker. I like to say the right things, and do the right things, and have the right, wise words for someone. I much prefer when God uses my mouth than my ears.

But I am just a pot, who am I to question my Creator?