I've had enough of sitting here feeling sorry for myself. Now, I have one small interjection. I know God just saved my life, and I am thankful to still be enjoying my family and still here for and with them. However, this has put a huge financial strain on us, unlike anything I've ever experienced.
I don't like to be stressed out, and I certainly don't like wondering when or if I can pay my bills. But my focus shifted today. I haven't been writing because every time I try to write a blog, all I do is whine into this space about my pitiful self, and I don't like reading it, so I don't post it.
Tonight, however, I'm feeling encouraged. God has been speaking to me, tugging on my heart, calling me back to an attitude of prayer. He's been reminding me all day of things I used to pray for, and how much different those things looked when I did pray for and about them. I love that God loves me and is patient with me, because I am dense.
Side note: I got to work on my house today, and housework has never made me so happy. I cleaned up the living room, opened the windows and got some fresh air in the house, and worked on some laundry. It felt so good to move around, to care for my little home, and to be doing something. My heart was genuinely happy about the work and my body was equally as thankful for the movement - although I can feel it now.
Back to what God is doing: He is calling me back to the patience I once offered my children. He is calling me to press into Him, and lead my boys to do the same. We prayed at dinner time tonight, and at bed time, and we read from Proverbs before bed. I didn't realize how many of those things I'd let slide. I lost my focus and was not working to raise up my children in the Lord - not the way He has called me to. I want to do better. I want my children to have faith in God, I want them to live to serve Him, to rely on Him, to trust Him with their whole lives. I also want them to live with Him as their guide, their compass in this world, and their comfort everyday.
So, my goal, as God grows me, stretches me, consumes me, guides me, calls me, tugs on my heart, and gives me a comfort and peace unlike any I've known, is that I would focus solely on Him, and as I do so, that He would guide me to raise my boys to do the same. I will turn my voice toward heaven, and lift up my praises, my cares, my concerns, my fears, my thanks....my life...to Him in prayer.
Ephesians 2:8-9 "For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast."
And a picture I was blessed with getting to take this evening:
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