Talented

Let me start of by saying that church yesterday was AMAZING. Church was amazing yesterday before praise and worship even started. Church was amazing before we even got to church! I guess it would be more accurate to say that GOD was amazing yesterday.

My morning started off by breaking my heart and showing me a skeleton in my closet. This is probably the ugliest skeleton that haunts me and beats me up. This is the skeleton that tells me that no one will ever really love me, that I've never been good enough, that I've never been talented enough... This skeleton is truly ugly, and I've had it for years.

I can't remember the first time I thought I didn't measure up. I've just always looked at everyone else as being talented, and well, I'm just not. When I first started dating my husband, at 16 years old, he told me that if he had the opportunity to date this other girl, that we would break up. Well, as I think back, I'm pretty sure he had the opportunity, but he never broke up with me. Yet, as we exchanged vows, those words were somewhere in my mind, and every so often I would be reminded that he would leave for someone else. We were married for 5 years, and I never once thought he was in it for the long haul. Something, or someone, better would come along.

Sunday morning, I was reminded of the most prominent woman that I thought would replace me in my husband's life. The reminder came with a fairly simple, "Do you still hate .... ? Or is it different now that we are not married?" I was shocked that my snoozer was asking me this. I just told him I don't hate her. Then a while later I said it again. I never had hated her, and as we talked, and as I thought, I started crying. I let him know, I never hated her, I always hated knowing that no one would ever love me as much as he loves her.

I'm going to cry again now. We were driving to church during this conversation, and God was working on my heart before we even arrived. It's true that I fall short - I fall short of the Glory of God, I am a sinner. But I am loved. He sent His Son for me. As I was reminded of the truth, I prayed, and am I still praying and believing, that God would help me recognize His love. I also asked that God would help me develop and grow my talents, and that I would recognize them as being from Him, no matter how they compare to the rest of the world.

I have ventured into a few different small business ideas of my own, and I've shared a few with friends/business partners. Somehow, when I find someone else in the same business, I assume my product, or my business, doesn't compare. This comparison is generally followed by me giving up.

One of my latest adventures has included a long desired DSLR camera. I've been thoroughly enjoying it, yet when I see someone else's work, I find myself wanting to tuck my camera away and not admit that I've been taking pictures. I don't want anyone to know that I take bad pictures, or pictures that aren't that great. I don't want anyone to think I shouldn't have that great of a camera with the lack of talent I possess.

I've also been writing. I've been writing my blog, and I'm working on a book. I actually have several book ideas, I'm just trying to stay focused and write one at a time. Yet, I get fearful that I'm not as good as another writer. Yet, God keeps reminding me to "Just Keep Writing." I think He keeps telling me to take pictures too, although that is a little less clear than the writing. I know I love both, and I get very excited about both.

My big question for myself is: What am I saying to God when I compare and downplay my talents? Am I telling Him that He didn't make me "right"? Am I telling Him that He didn't know what He was doing when He made me?

Rest assured, God knew what He was doing when He made me...and when He made you. Yes, we are sinners, and we fall short of His glory. Yet, in His perfect love He made a way for us by sending Jesus. So, today, join me in recognizing that we are loved by God, created for God, and He gave us each talents to use for His glory and honor, and I believe we are supposed to enjoy our talents. They are not our own, but we do get some enjoyment from them.

What are your talents and how do you use them to glorify God?

(P.S. I'll post later about the sermon at church...because this really didn't have anything to do with the sermon at church! LOL)